End Of Heartache
by Waffle's Very Happy
Summary: It had been a week since she had left her house. She had spent four of the seven days in bed and it had been three of those four days since she last ate anything......Not a happy story
1. Happy?

_Disclamer-_not mine (duh!) 

ok so i had this idea and it wouldnt go away so i decided to write it. its totaly out of character and almost annoyingly depressing. its set near the start of season 6 and considering i havent seen it im making it up lol.

Summary (i guess)-So Rorys not in Yale and is living with Emily and Richard and Luke had found out about April and has finished wiv Lorelai coz he cant handel it (men! lol) So Lorelais on her own and is wollowing (is probably the nicest way 2 put it).

If you realy hate it tell me to stop but i just had to write it coz its been driving me crazy for days so i guess its out of my system now :D

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End Of Heartache

It had been three weeks since her life had officially become worthless. Two of the three weeks she managed to carry on like nothing had happened, she went to work, drank coffee, ate and sometimes slept. It had been a week since she had left her house. She had spent four of the seven days in bed and it had been three of those four days since she last ate anything. She didn't care anymore, she tried to move on but she couldn't. She hadn't even cried, she felt horrible and looked worse. Her daughter had moved away and wasn't talking to her, her parents had betrayed her and for some reason she felt like that mattered and finally her boyfriend the man she loved and wanted to spend the rest of her life with had finished with her. Not only had he finished with her but he gave her the line all women and men dreaded to hear "its not you it's me". She thought he cared about her but apparently she couldn't have been more wrong.

She was still in bed and was trying to remember the last time she was out side, or out of bed for that matter. Her thoughts turned to the events of the last three weeks. Trying to shake off her more than depressing thoughts she rolled over in bed catching a glimpse of the clock on her bedside table. 4 in the afternoon she shrugged of the memories that she should be sitting in the dinner with a mug of coffee and took her original position of staring at the ceiling. She knew she shouldn't be in bed wallowing away another week but the Lorelai Gilmore that everyone had known and loved was gone and all that was left was this shell of a woman who didn't even deserve that name. The nauseous feeling she had had for three weeks was back with vengeance and crept its way back into her stomach. Leaving the confinements of her bed she made the rushed journey into the bathroom.

Not only could she not remember how long she had been on her knees hanging over the toilet but she couldn't remember how she had gotten there. Figuring she must have passed out some where along the lines wasn't much comfort and she attempted to stand, ignoring the throbbing pain in the head and legs. Moving towards the sink to wash her face she could now clearly see the image she had been avoiding since all of this began. Her hair hadn't been brushed in a week, she was wearing no make up, her eyes were hollow as if there was know one there and she looked as though she had lost a lot of weight. She hated what she was looking at but couldn't look away. She couldn't even recognize the person staring back at her and would probably cross the road to get away from someone who looked like this. She must have been frozen like that for at least ten minutes until she decided to do something about the now migraine that she was painfully experiencing. Reaching out towards the bathroom cabinet to find something to ease the pain she soon found that it must had been a while since she last went shopping as she couldn't find the pain killers she usually keeps stocked in the cabinet.

On the sudden hunt to locate her purse and possibly the option of more pain killers she wandered down stairs. The house was not only abnormally quiet but also ridiculously tidy; it almost didn't look like her house. Giving up the search for her purse as soon as she reached the bottom step she moved towards the kitchen. Seeing Rory's bedroom had a different reaction than expected. She had purposely been avoiding the kitchen so she wouldn't be reminded of what was missing from her life. Calmly and slowly she walked over to her bedroom door and closed it. The action was so simple and symbolic she shocked her self. Turning around slowly to face the kitchen table she took in her surroundings as though she was a stranger in her own home. Deciding that her headache might pass if she had something to drink she moved towards the kitchen sink. She couldn't remember what happened and was beginning to get frustrated with her self that she kept passing out but she was aware that her hand was killing her. Slowly pushing her self up into a sitting position she could see blood on the floor and shifted her gaze to her right hand. Figuring she must have landed on the glass she was holding she inspected the cut more closely.

It was the first time she had felt any kind of emotion since everything had happened. It didn't even matter that it was pain. It was like some kind of release from the pain she was feeling. It was an outlet for the emotional pain she was feeling. It suddenly occurred to her that she shouldn't be thinking or feeling these things, she needed help. How could she let her self get depressed? She felt weak and knew that she needed to talk to someone before things got worse. Doubting her self for a second before she decided that it was better to be safe than sorry she reached for the phone. She only had one option; she only had one person she could phone at that moment. Sookie was her best friend and would never leave her she would help her. Wouldn't she? Doubting her self again she placed the phone back down and it was only then that she realized that the red light on her answering machine was blinking. One new message, she couldn't remember hearing the phone ring and the concern was lost on her. Reaching out she pressed the play button noticing she hadn't cleaned the blood of her hand, or even taken the glass out she gradually made her way back into the kitchen, the issue of listening to her messages forgotten. She couldn't hear the message over the sound of the running water in the sink but thought she heard Sookie's voice. If she had bothered to pay attention to the message she would have heard that Sookie was stopping by at 6 to make sure she was ok.

All she could hear was the sound of the water and she was vaguely aware that she was staring almost longingly at the knife lying on the kitchen draining board.

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ok so i jst reposted this coz i was made aware of jst how many mistakes i had n it bugged me lol...ne ways its the same chapter with less mistakes R+R PLEASE! 


	2. Let Me Go

_Disclamer:_ i dont own ne thing

jst a few things the "down the road not across the street thing" is real. it not a poster but it is a picture i found ona website and it made me laugh, if you dont understand it (watch the craft lol) it basicaly means that u have a better chance of killin ur self if u cut dwn not across (morbid i know!) i will prob post ch3 2moro coz i dont seem to be havin writers block wiv this like my other story lol!

-thanks to my Beta Humz (u rock :P) who also helped wen i cudnt think of the word lol (which happens alot!)

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She couldn't remember what her thought process was or how she had ended up like that but she found herself on the kitchen floor looking at the ceiling again. She couldn't remember picking up the knife. But she could remember laughing about some stupid poster she had seen, it had never seemed more relevant that it did at that moment. It said something like "remember kids it's "down the road" not "across the street." She also remembered how easy it was, she thought that she might have been more hesitant at the thought of killing herself but she wasn't. The only thing she could think of was what would people say about her when she was gone. She didn't care that people would miss her or how Rory might feel when she was gone. They didn't care about her so why should she give them more than a second thought.

She felt cold and couldn't stop the shiver that ran through her body. She could feel her head getting light and instead of darkness all she could see was white. She knew it wouldn't be long until she passed out. From her position on the floor she could see her arm stretched out beside her, it looked almost alien to her, as though it weren't hers. Her sleeve was wet and she knew what was causing it as another shiver of almost horror over took her. She could hear noises but none of them registered to her as important. She could tell the tap was still running but a sudden bang from somewhere in the house scared her more than her inevitable fate.

Sookie hadn't spoken to Lorelai in nearly a week, she had tried phoning but she wouldn't answer the phone and with Lorelai off work she had the responsibility of not only the inn but also two small kids. Although she could really blame Lorelai for pulling away from everything she was going through a lot. Sookie had regretted not being there for her best friend while she was at a difficult time in her life. It was the only time she could get away to see her and she was looking forward to it. With a tone of junk food in tow she made her was up the front porch to the all too familiar front steps of the Gilmore house. She wasn't shocked to find the front door unlocked as she let her self in and made her way into the living room. The door behind her closed with a bang as a sudden gust of wind blew it closed, jumping slightly from shock. She was about to make her way upstairs when she heard the tap running in the kitchen. She smiled to her self as she remembered that Lorelai liked to wash dishes when she had something on her mind. Throwing her purse and the rest of the junk food on the sofa she made her way to the kitchen.

The image that lay before her would stay with Sookie for the rest of her life. She could see the kitchen knife in Lorelai's right hand and instantly noticed how much blood was thickly coated over the blade. She quickly shifted her gaze to her other arm and noticed the pool of blood that was growing by her left wrist. "LORELAI". Sookie was in shock but she refused to freeze up she needed to help her friend and that's what she was going to do. Noting that Lorelai didn't flinch when she shouted her name she ran to where she was lying and took her head in her hands. "Lorelai please wake up, sweetie you need to open your eyes. Please." Sookie didn't notice that she had started crying she was concentrating too hard on Lorelai's pale lifeless face. As soon as her eyes slowly fluttered open a wave of relief washed over Sookie. "Sookie?" Her voice sounded almost alien and so unlike the Lorelai she knew. "You need to keep your eyes open." Sookie was almost forceful, to an outsider it could have been mistaken as a hint of hatred in her voice but Lorelai knew it was concern. "Please Sookie let me go" her pleas were below a whisper and Sookie could barely hear it above her heavy breathing. Ignoring Lorelai's wishes Sookie grabbed the neatest cloth she could find and tied it around her wrist to try and stop the bleeding.

It was the first time since Sookie had step foot inside the kitchen that she looked at the cut on her wrist. It was almost four inches long and at an angle down her left wrist. Sookie shuddered at the thought that it was a serious attempt to take her life. As fast as she could she crabbed Lorelai house phone and called for an ambulance. Sookie had never felt more helpless. _How could she let it get this bad she should have asked for help she could have said something._ Looking down into the eyes of her best friend she asked the only thing that made sense in her head. "Why?" she wasn't sure that Lorelai was still awake or if she could even hear her until she heard her say "don't tell them." Sookie was completely lost. Her best friend was lying on her kitchen floor barely conscious after trying to kill her self and who the hell was them. Everything fell into place and Sookie realized what she meant. Rory and Luke. Neither of them knew that the other had left and Lorelai had said that they weren't going to find out; she didn't want them to feel sorry for her.

It wasn't long before the ambulance arrived and Lorelai was taken to hospital. The next few hours were a complete blur to Sookie. Lorelai was rushed into surgery to stop the bleeding and all Sookie could do was wait. She felt almost guilty that she hadn't phoned Rory or Luke to let them know about Lorelai's condition. All she could do was sit alone in the waiting room wishing and hoping that Lorelai was going to be ok. She must have been waiting for a long time because she fell into a dreamless sleep and was woken by a doctor still wearing scrubs. "Are you a relative of Lorelai Gilmore?" the doctor inquired.

"Yes is she ok?" she deiced that what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him and even if she did say she wasn't a relative they would only phone Rory and Lorelai didn't want that. Trying her best not to look guilty the doctor continued to describe Lorelai's condition. "She should be ok, she lost a lot of blood but we managed to repair the artery but she did suffer some damage to her tendons and will need physical therapy." It was like the best news that Sookie had ever heard and she wanted to hug the George Clooney looking doctor standing in front of her. "Thank god." Sookie managed through her happy tears with a small smile.

"Of course its standard procedure to see a psychiatrist after a suicide attempt so she will need to make an appointment once things have settled down." Sookie nodded slightly relieved that Lorelai was going to be able to talk to someone now and the doctor turned to leave before turning the corner and heading back where he had come from he stopped short and looked back to Sookie and happily said "oh and she didn't lose the baby."

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Thankz 4 readin and R+R PLEASE 


	3. Oh my God

_Disclaimer:_ I own nothing

I think this is the longest chapter I have ever written lol! It didn't take me that long either. I hope you like it. I don't know when im updating next coz I start my full time job for the summer on Tuesday (YAY! Not) so it might be a while but feel free to leave me reviews lol. Thanks :D

My beta abandoned me for his final fling (kinda like prom but not) so if theres mistakes blame him : D

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Oh my God. __Lorelai's pregnant? Is that why she tried to kill herself? Does she know? Oh my God Lukes going to be a dad._ An endless list of questions ran through Sookie's head. The doctor hadn't moved and soon figured that she didn't know about the baby as Sookie wasn't moving and all traces of colour had vanished from her face. "I'm guessing you didn't know" the doctor said with a small smile. Delivering this kind of news to people was usually very good or extremely bad. In this case it was a mix of both, although judging from the look of pure shock on the woman's face standing in front of him he was beginning to lean more towards bad. 

"Do you think she knew?" Sookie asked with fresh tears in her eyes. Fear was now gripping her body with new thoughts of how Lorelai might take the news. "I don't think so she's only a month along, and by judging by your reaction I'm guessing you didn't know either." Sookie slowly shook her head, no. She was staring off into space and didn't have time to ask the doctor all of her more important questions before he walked away to attend his other patients.

The lights were hurting her eyes but she wasn't tired so falling asleep wasn't an option. Reluctantly she slowly opened her eyes and was very much aware of the dull throbbing in her wrist and arm. Trying her best, and failing not to move to look around the room she noticed that not only was it not her room but it also looked a lot like a hospital room. The day's events flooded her memories and brought along the painful recollections of the last three weeks along with them. She felt ashamed and guilty for what she had done and suddenly remembered hearing Sookie's voice while she was lying on her kitchen floor. Before she could finish mentally kicking herself for how stupid she had been the door slowly opened and a familiar looking face smiled at her through the gap in the door.

"Hey" her voice was corky and it sounded as though she had a sore throat._ Probably from the anesthetic_. Sookie mentally noted "Hey sweetie, you feeling ok?" _stupid question Sookie of course she's not ok. She tried to kill herself and she doesn't know she's pregnant. Oh god this is gonna get worse. _"All things considered I'm good I guess" the conversation ran dry as both women sat in uncomfortable silence. Both knew what they wanted to say but neither was willing to make the first move. "Sookie? Can you sit down for a minute I need to talk to you?" Sookie nodded slightly and moved towards the chair next to Lorelai's bed, hesitantly sitting down and keeping her eyes cast downwards she waited for Lorelai to start.

"I don't really know where to start, I realize that what I did must be so painful for you to hear about but you seeing me like that, I'm just so sorry. I didn't really realize what I was doing until I had ….. I don't want you to think that this has anything to do with you, because I know that you will probably blame my actions on you not being there but honestly it's my fault. I should have asked for help, I shouldn't have pulled away and shut my self off. I mean how hard is it to say to my best friend that I need help…… Do you know I haven't cried?" the confession made Sookie look up instantly locking her questioning eyes on Lorelai as she lay in bed helplessly looking at the ceiling. "I don't know why really I don't think I could. I mean it hurt but I couldn't seem to release the pain I was feeling. It was horrible it was like I had no emotion. I shouldn't have done it I realize that but at the time it felt like I had no other option, like I was alone. Then the pain was gone, and it didn't hurt any more. I don't know what you must think of me, taking the easy way out." Lorelai hadn't realized that she had started crying until she stopped talking and looked over to where Sookie was sitting. She couldn't help the small laugh that got caught in her throat and was overwhelmingly happy that she could actually cry. She had never experienced anything like the overload of emotions she was feeling at the moment. It was as thought the flood gates had been opened and didn't show any signs of stopping.

Hearing Lorelai giggle through her tears Sookie couldn't help but get concerned about her friend. _Oh god she's finally lost it_. Her panicked thoughts stopped as she heard Lorelai's laughs turn into a heart stopping sobs. Without hesitation Sookie sat by Lorelai on the bed and held her until she had calmed down enough to talk. "Lorelai I spoke to the doctor" that got Lorelai's attention as she pulled back from Sookie and looked her in the eye.

"He said you might have some damage to your tendons and you have to stay in hospital for a few days and something about seeing a therapist after a suicide attempt, he also told me something else and I'm not sure how you're going to take it." Sookie waited to see Lorelai's reaction and after seeing nothing other that a questioning look Sookie assumed she didn't know about the baby. "There's really no easy way to say this so I'm just gonna say it ….. You're pregnant!" the tears were still freely running down Lorelai's face and showed no sign of stopping. _Oh my god. Why didn't I realize, I mean I know I was sick but I just though that was because of the stress and the lack of food. Oh my god I have to talk to Luke. What if he doesn't want me back? I tried to kill myself and I was pregnant. I'm so selfish how can I only think about myself? I can't do this._ "How am I going to look after a baby? I just tried to kill myself I'm not a mother. I got lucky with Rory and look how that ended. She hates me and dropped out of school. Im a failure. What if Luke doesn't want me back, I couldn't deal with that again….."

Her rant was cut short by Sookie's almost yells of response to everything that had just happened. "Okay for starters you're not a failure. You one of the most successful people I know. You had a child at 16 and worked your way up the ladder and now you co-own an inn and in case you have forgotten that was your dream. Rory doesn't hate you you're her mother and I don't care what you say even you love your mother, even after everything she has done. Yes she may have dropped out of school but she's still your daughter. Now the Luke thing is just stupid and you know it, I mean you may not have gotten a real reason for why he ended it but when he finds out your having his baby he's not going to abandon you. He loves you and I know for a fact you love him. I think that probably part of the reason you did what you did. In response to what you said earlier yes I do partly blame my self, how could you not tell me what was going on with you? I would have done anything for you. Although I am mad at you for letting it get that far I cant even begin to tell you how happy I am that your ok, even if your not I don't care your still hear. Now tell me what you're going to do because you told me not to phone Rory and Luke so I didn't even though it killed me not to but it was your decision. Are you going to talk to Luke?" through out the whole of Sookie's rant all Lorelai could do was stare in shock as her best friend paced the floor by her bed almost shouting at her. It might not have been the best tactic to let a depressed pregnant woman that she's being stupid but it definitely worked. It was the first time in weeks that she actually felt like her old self.

"I really don't have much of a choice. He does have a right to know he's going to be a father……even if he doesn't want to be with me. But you're right I can do this and I am going to do this. I guess I will wait till I get out of hospital until I tell Luke. I don't really want him to see me in like this." even though Sookie wasn't overly happy with her plan she was still glad to hear that she was going to talk to Luke.

Lorelai spend two more days in hospital under observations. She didn't think it was necessary considering she was now aware that she was pregnant and wasn't going to take any extreme measures to put the baby at risk. Sookie managed to visit everyday and somehow manage to keep in quiet that Lorelai was in hospital, not even Babette noticed that she was gone. The day she was released from hospital they gave her an appointment with a therapist which she was more than willing to accept if it meant going home. Although she was happy enough to leave she was still unsure if she would be ok in the "real world" after what happened, her worries soon vanished when her thoughts turned to the baby growing inside her and how much Rory had depended on her when she was first born. Smiling to her self about all of the good time she and Rory had she made her way towards her house. It didn't occur to her or Sookie that nobody had been in the house since the incident. Lorelai headed upstairs to her room to unpack her bag, she had only just reached the bottom step when she heard a slight squeak emanate from the kitchen and Sookie.

As she reached the entrance to the kitchen she soon realized what Sookie was reacting to. She saw Sookie on her hands and knees scrubbing a spot behind the table. As Lorelai slowly walked round her breath hitched in her throat and she felt as though she was going to pass out. _Blood, my blood. _"Sookie?" her voice was barely above a whisper and Sookie visibly jumped at the sound of her voice. Looking up Sookie could clearly see that Lorelai was just as shocked to find the evidence of her suicide on her kitchen floor. "I'm so sorry, I completely forgot. Why don't you go upstairs and I will clean the rest of this up" Sookie looked as though she had been caught red handed, literally. "Sookie its fine I forgot as well. I don't know who I expected to clean that up…..borrowers' maybe, Thus proving the existence of borrowers but really its fine. I know you have to get back to Jackson and the kids so leave that to me….after all its my fault I guess." She offered a small smile to her friend and as fast as she could ushered her out of the front door with the promise of calling before she went to bed.

_I guess this makes it real. Although the soon to be scar on my wrist doesn't make it any less fake. I guess this means im going to have to wear a watch all the time. At least it gives me the opportunity to get some new bracelets. _She knew she had to clean up the mess before anyone else saw it. She halfheartedly made her way towards the kitchen mentally preparing herself for what she had to face. It didn't take long for her to clean up the mess and although there was a slight stain on the floor you would have suspected what had happened.

She had decided that staying in the house for long periods at a time on her own wasn't good, so she persuaded a reluctant Sookie to let her go back to work. She had purposely been avoiding the town center, not only did she not want to bump into Luke but a lot of the towns people always seemed to look at her with pity and it was the one thing she couldn't stand. She still hadn't told Luke about the baby, she wasn't putting it off she just didn't think she was strong enough to see him again after what had happens over the last five weeks. That was until she convinced herself that some how it was in her best interests for him to know.

She decided it was probably best to go when he was closing up, that way they could be alone and wouldn't be interrupted. She had just finished work at the inn and was currently sitting in her jeep parked a short walk away from Lukes. She had probably been there for a good ten minutes and made more than 7 attempts to get out of the car. It wasn't until her 9th attempt that she made it to the pavement and was walking towards Lukes. It was mid July and the fact she had to wear long sleeves to hide her bandage wasn't helping her head ache. Feeling hot and flustered and with probably a guilty look on her face she pushed the front door to Lukes open.

She couldn't see him anywhere and concluded he was probably in the back. She knew he had heard the bell above the door so she patiently waited until he came into her view. "Were closed" said the gruff voice from some where in the back to the dinner. She hadn't moved since she had walked in and wasn't going to until he saw she was here. "I said were…" _Shit. _Luke had thought about a lot of things these last few weeks and all of them about her and mainly what he was going to say to her if she came back but at this precise moment in time all he could thing was _shit. _There she was standing there looking as gorgeous as the day they first met. It didn't seem odd to him that she was wearing a long sleeved top in blistering heat or that she clearly had lost weight; all that mattered was that he was going to reject her again.

"Luke I have something to say…and I'm not sure how you….." she was looking directly at him and saw a wave of sorrow over take his expression as he moved around the counter to stand in front of her.

"Lorelai I can't….. It just too painful…. I'm just sorry. We can't be together" He had cut Lorelai off before she could persuade him to take her back, it wouldn't have taken much but he needed to get his life back in order before he could let her in again.

"So your saying you don't want to hear what I have to say and you don't want to be with me…..ever" it took all she had not to cry and break down in front of him but if she had some shred of dignity left she was going to hang onto it with all she had.

"Maybe somewhere along the lines things might work out but…"

"No Luke if I walk out of those doors now you don't get another chance. Were not going to have a relationship on your terms, when you feel like it. You either want me or you don't because I'm not going to wait for you to make up your mind. It hurts too much and damn it you owe me at least that much!" she was on the verge of tears and was holding back the pain she had been feeling since he broke up with her.

"Then I'm sorry but I can't do it….I"

"I don't want to hear it Luke….just say you don't love me and that you never want to see me again and ill walk out of that door for the last time." _If he doesn't want me he's not going to want a baby and even if he wants to live up to the responsibility of a baby that sure as hell better not be the only reason he's with me._

Luke could see the hatred in her eyes but he could also see the tears she was holding back. _That's Lorelai all ways strong willed and stubborn. _"Lorelai …..Please..."

"Say it!" her voice was getting louder and it was becoming increasingly more difficult to hold back the tears clouding her vision.

"I don't love you….and I never want to see you again" his voice was barely above a whisper but he was hoping she had heard him because he didn't think he could say it again. He was no longer looking directly at her and had moved his gaze to the floor. He didn't hear he respond to what she had said the only sound he heard was the bell above the door ringing angrily through the empty dinner. He had never felt like such a bastard in his whole life. _I love you Lorelai Gilmore._


	4. Now Leaving Stars Hollow!

Who else is incredibly miffed that Lauren didn't get an Emmy nomination AGAIN…..god they have some nerve!

there was a problem with the other chapter! for sum reason it kind repeated the first chapter and put it in italics so i apologise if ne1 got confused! R+R please!

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Sookie had tried to convince her to stay. Saying that Luke would stay with her if she had told him about the baby but all of her reasoning fell on deaf ears, she had made up her mind and there was no changing it. She couldn't stay in Stars Hollow knowing that there was no reason to. She just wanted a fresh start away from everything that had happened. She knew she was running away again and that it wouldn't end well for her but she really didn't see what choice she had. She really thought that she was doing what was best for her and her baby, something that felt all too familiar to her.

She didn't know how she had managed to keep her leaving town between her and Sookie. She had managed to pack all of her things and move most of it to her new apartment in New York with out anyone even noticing. Sookie still wasn't sold on the idea of her running away and not telling Luke, not only that but she had promised not to tell him or Rory where Lorelai was and that she was pregnant. She thought she might have been more upset about leaving her home and the place she grew up but she almost let out a sigh of relief when she passed the sign for "Now Leaving Starts Hollow!" she couldn't help but feel a sense of calm. All of the things that had happened over the last seven weeks behind her and she could start a new life.

Three Years Later

It had been three years to the day since she had tried to kill herself. She couldn't even imagine what she would have been like if she had lost her baby girl. Thinking about how selfish she was, not considering what everyone she left behind would be like if she was gone. It was six in the morning and she only had a few more minutes until her little girl woke up and she would have to forget her train of thought and switch to full mommy mode. She hadn't been back to Stars Hollow since she had left but still kept in contact with Sookie. She would make the trip to come and visit and was happy that Lorelai was ok. She had gone to see a therapist with out any persuasion and was almost ashamed to admit that it helped. She had always assumed that therapists were self absorbed snobs who were really over paid, but she was wrong. Once her daughter was born she had never felt more ready, but she couldn't help but feel empty that she wasn't with Luke. After everything that had happened she still loved him. Even though their daughter was almost a carbon copy of Lorelai she could still see elements of Luke in her. Every now and then she would catch herself staring at her feeling more than guilty for keeping her to herself.

She was still lying in bed enjoying the rest of her Saturday morning when the door to her room swung open. For a second she could see Rory as a two year old after a bad dream. She still hadn't spoken to her older daughter but Sookie had given her updates as to what Rory was doing. She had gone back to Yale and graduated and was now working at a newspaper in Hartford. Sookie had begged and pleaded Lorelai to talk to Rory again but it was no use. She still felt abandoned by her daughter, although she had got her life together she was still hurt that she had left and didn't care enough to listen to her opinion.

"Hey baby girl, you feeling better?" Lorelai asked looking down at her two years old. She had gone to bed the night before with a bad stomach and Lorelai was more than surprised that she had gotten a full nights sleep.

"Yes" Lorie Elizabeth Gilmore answered as she climbed onto her mother's bed. Her dark brown, wavy hair was still a mess and the teddy she was holding close to her chest was almost too big for her to hold. Lorelai couldn't help but think that she was like Rory at that age. She was always small for her age until she hit her teens and Lorelai had no doubt that Libby would be no exception.

Lorelai had tried to get Libby back to sleep but it was no use, even with her eyes closed she could feel her little girls piercing blue eyes trace over her face as she lay there. She was almost asleep when she felt something touch her wrist. She always wore a watch and a selection of bracelets to cover her scar but took them off to go to bed. Her eyes flung open and she instantly withdrew her arm quickly hugging it to her chest. It was one of the things she feared most, that someone would see it and ask how she got it. Her eyes softened as soon as she realized what it was. Libby was kneeling on the pillow beside her head looking down at her. Her small hand was still in the same position and Lorelai knew she had been stroking her wrist, it wasn't the first time she had done it and it amazed Lorelai that she could almost see a hint of sorrow behind her intense sapphire eyes. Looking away out of almost guilt, Lorelai climbed out of bed and moved toward the kitchen knowing Libby would follow.

She had gotten a job at a hotel less than a block from her apartment. She was still involved with the inn back in Stars Hollow but obviously not as much as she used to. Lorelai always looked forward to the weekends; it was her time with Libby. They went shopping, to the park watched films, at times she missed Rory and couldn't say she hadn't pictured them altogether on family outings. Lorelai was already on her second cup of coffee when Libby walked in the kitchen after her cartoons had finished on television.

"So kiddo what do you want to do today?" Lorelai asked as she picked her daughter up placing her on her lap.

"TOY SHOP" Libby almost squealed as she bounced up and down happily on Lorelai's lap. Smiling down at her daughter Lorelai agreed knowing that she had a long tiring day ahead of her. After being washed, feed and dressed the Gilmore girls left the apartment stopping at the coffee shop on the corner on the way to Toys 'R' Us. _If I'm going to be surrounded by a bunch of kids all day I'm going to need all the coffee I can get._ The shop Lorelai usually went to was conveniently located on the same street at her work place. It reminded her a lot of Weston's. It was usually quiet and of course being the coffee addict that she was, all of the staff knew her.

Lorelai had done her best to forget about the significance of the day and concentrated on the excited two year old running ahead of her. She had changed a lot since she had moved. Although her fashion sense was still very similar to what she used to wear her hair was a lot longer and almost down to her elbow. Although to someone who knew her three years ago she was still very much recognizable. Pushing the door open enough for her and Libby to fit thought she dodged Libby who had stopped walking in front of her. She walked straight into the chest of a leather clad looking man sending his coffee flying over his Metalica t-shirt. "OH my God im so sorry my daughter was in the way." She was so preoccupied trying to clean up the mess she didn't notice that the stranger had stood up and was now frozen to the spot. "Lorelai?" She hadn't heard that voice in almost four years but it was all too recognizable. Reluctantly standing up she turned around to see a very familiar face standing in front of her. "Jess?"


	5. He Smiled!

hey guys this isnt very long and doesnt really go any where its more like character building. i sud have another chapter up soon so R+R as always and thanks to everone who has already posted you guys r great.

Humz- my beta who edited it on his phone! crazy

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She was frozen to the spot, the one day she didn't need reminders about her past and there was one standing in front of her. She was so distracted she had noticed that Libby was furiously tugging on her arm and shirt to get her attention. Her and Jess were openly staring at each other oblivious to everything else around them. Lorelai shock herself violently out of the daze she was in and turned her attention towards her daughter who was now on the verge of tears from being ignored. "Baby its ok calm down" Lorelai whispers as she bends down slightly to pick up Libby.

"Jess, what are you doing here?" the question came out a lot harsher than she intended it and winced at the underlying intentions behind it. "I'm sorry that sounded a lot nicer in my head." She said offering a small smile to Jess while gently stroking Libby's back to calm her down. "It's ok. I should know better than to get in your way when you're after coffee." He said smiling remembering the Gilmore's inhuman tolerance for caffeine. "you better believe it." Lorelai moved her gaze to the now quiet two year old in her arms. _Oh god what if he tells Luke, should I lie and say she's not his? I can't do that he's her cousin._ As if on cue Libby moved her head to look at Lorelai and started squirming to get out of her grip. Knowing that she liked to walk around Lorelai gently placed her back down and took her small hand so she couldn't run off.

It was the first time jess had actually noticed the little Lorelai standing in front of him. He smiled as he took in her small figure. She was wearing an 'ACDC- Back in Black' t-shirt, jeans and mini pink converses. "Now that is a very cool t-shirt you're wearing" he said indicating towards Libby who was already staring at him. With out hesitation he crouched down and looked her in the eye. _My God I could swear she was Lorelai._ He smiled at the little girl who broke out into a fit of giggles at the sight of him. It was lost on Jess and Lorelai as to what was funny and decided not to question her but laugh along.

To Lorelai he was always going to be the 'bad boy' her daughter fell for and even though he looked the same she could tell something was different. "Jess would you like to have coffee and you know….talk…..catch up?" she was hoping she could get the chance to explain everything, well not everything but enough for him not to go running to Luke. _If they are even talking._ "Yeah I'd like that." He said smiling. _Definitely changed, he smiled!_

They slowly made there way toward the back of the shop stopping at Lorelai's usual table. Lorelai didn't think she had been more nervous. _What the hell am I going to say? 'This is your cousin, Luke left me and I tried to kill my self so how's things?' I can see that going really well._ She didn't have much of a chance to make her story sound more believable before Jess came back with two coffees and a hot chocolate for Libby. _Who am I kidding….I have no story_. Lorelai was mentally kicking her self for wanting coffee this morning and was desperately hoping that Jess had changed enough to not tell Luke where she was.

"so how have you been? I don't think I have seen you since your moms wedding" Lorelai said smiling at the memories of Liz's vowel exchange with TJ.

"I'm good thanks, I'm working at a book store near by and have an apartment so you know cant complain I guess. How about you? I see thinks have slightly changed." Jess said as he motioned his head towards Libby who was staring intently at the bottom oh her mug singing something incoherent. "I see she got your talkative side." They were both quiet for a few minutes listening to Libby's singing before Lorelai spoke again.

"Do you still talk to Rory and Luke?" she asked looking up with tears in her eyes.

"I talk to Luke every now and then. He likes to check up on me and make sure everything's ok. I saw Rory not long ago, why are you asking me?" then it all clicked when he had seen Rory he asked if things were ok and she of course said yes but somewhere in the back of her eyes he could see the pain. He didn't ask about it and knew she would tell him if she was in real trouble. "im guessing you aren't talking to them." Jess didn't get an answer and assumed it was a yes. Even though her eyes were cast downwards toward the mug of coffee in her hands he could tell that tears had begun to fall down her face. He knew that this was definitely a sensitive subject and moved along.

"so what's your name then?" he said looking over at Libby who was once again off in her own world singing what sounded a lot like 'Eternal Flame by the Bangles'

Without even looking up Libby stopped her singing for a second to reply "Lorie Elisbeth Gilmore" Jess laughed slightly at Libby's inability to pronounce her name. "Mommy calls me Libby" she said with a big smile on her face turning her attention back to Lorelai. Jess watched in amazement as the smile dropped from Libby's face as she saw the tears on her mother's cheeks. Without hesitation or question she reached out and placed her small, fragile hand over her mothers left wrist. Of course the gesture was lost to Jess who just thought that this little girls was incredibly intuitive towards her mother. Lorelai looked over to her daughter fighting desperately to hold her tears a bay, with out a word Libby shifted so her mother could move her so she was now straddling Lorelai's lap with her arms wrapped tightly around mothers neck.

It didn't take long for Lorelai to gain her composure again and she pulled back from her two year old tight embrace. Lorelai looked her square in the eye and placed a loving kiss on her forehead before turning back to Jess. "I'm sorry. Hey listen me and Libby are going shopping today but if you want to come over tonight for dinner I would be happy for the company." Lorelai said growing happier with each word, as though she was breathing out her sorrow and pain.

"Yeah actually I would like that. How about six? Ill bring some pizza….that is unless you have developed cooking skills with in the four years I haven't seen you?" he asked lightly raising his eyebrow in question, the ever present familiar smirk on his face.

"Well I did keep Martha Stuart in my closet for two years but what can I say….it didn't stick." She replied with a shrug of her shoulders. "This in my address and I'll see you later?" she asked giving Jess the piece of paper she had just written on.

Jess didn't reply but only nodded his head, yes and watched as Lorelai picked up Libby and walked out of the door. He smile to himself watching as Libby waved to him over Lorelai's shoulder he couldn't help but think W_hat the hell happened to her? I wonder who her kids' dad is. _

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	6. Can I Ask You Something?

So most of you prob know that the uk is in the middle of a heat wave and unfortunately I have had this chapter on my computer for about 3 weeks but because of the heat my computer crashed every time I tried to load it! So here it is finally and since my comp has decided to work I am taking full advantage of it and haven't sent it to my beta so I apologies for mistakes but I wanted to post as fast as I cud.

Hope you all enjoy….ch7 isn't far behind….. hopefully!

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and liked so far…I appreciate all your feedback!

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He had so many questions running through his head and he wasn't sure where to start. He knew pressing her for the answers wasn't going to get him anywhere and he knew if he asked straight out he would probably get kicked out of her apartment before he could finish his sentence. He hadn't realized that his thoughts had consumed him so entirely and he was already standing out side Lorelai's apartment. He was still trying to get the courage to press the bell when he heard a voice behind him.

"Hey…sorry were only just getting back. Someone wanted ice-cream!" he turned around to see a frantic looking Lorelai holding a very messy chocolate covered Libby who looked very proud of herself. The image made Jess smile and he looked back to Lorelai who was trying to balance Libby while attempting to find her keys. "Do you need some help?" Jess offered in his usual smug way causing Lorelai to rethink her plans for the night. Instead of snap judgments she gazed up so see a smiling, helpful expression on his face.

"Yeah thanks. Its just if I put her down after all that sugar she's going to run off…..and I don't think I'm going to be able to keep up with her." She confessed never taking her eyes off the hyper two year old wriggling in her arms. "Well that's what you get for giving a kid chocolate and sugar this late at night." Jess said talking the bag wrapped around Lorelai's arm to look for her keys.

"Yeah I keep forgetting she doesn't have my tolerance to sugar, I guess she gets that off her dad." Her expression dropped as she realized what she said hoping to God that Jess didn't notice her change in attitude when Libby's father was mentioned. _Just don't give it away and it will be ok, you can do this Gilmore……be cool……be cool?….who the hell are you kidding you're a complete wreck…..oh my gods breathe. _A silence fell over them and Jess managed to not only finds her keys but unlock the door before Lorelai could have a total meltdown in the middle of the street.

It wasn't long before they got into Lorelai's apartment; the conversation hadn't yet turned to the awkward topics both parties knew would come up sooner or later. She had told Jess to wait in the living room while she put Libby to bed; her sugar induced antics had soon died down once they had entered the apartment. Taking in his surrounding Jess looked at her home. It wasn't like her house in Stars Hollow, sure there were elements of Lorelai (like the monkey lamp) but it seemed almost serious. You could even have gone as far as saying that it didn't seem like the same person was living here. His eyes wondered around the room and finally settled on the few picture frames that were scattered on the mantel. There were seven in total and the majority of which contained photos of Lorelai with Libby on her birthdays or Christmas. He felt his heart sink when he noticed the lack of photos that showed Rory. But there it was hidden in the back, behind a photo of Libby on the beach smiling crazily into the camera. Rory with Lorelai, he had never seen this photo before. Lorelai couldn't have been much older that 20 and her and Rory were sitting on the bridge by the old Independence Inn. He smiled thinking about how happy they looked and thought that if Lorelai wanted to look back on times with her daughter those were probably the happiest.

He didn't notice that he wasn't alone in the room anymore and was still gazing at the photo in his hands smiling to himself. Lorelai didn't know what he was doing until she was standing almost next to him. Wanting to break the silence without drawing attention to the awkwardness in the room she decided to pick the safest topic she knew.

"So do you want some pizza?" she asked rather loudly making Jess jump and almost scaring herself. Jess nodded as if trying to shake himself from a dream like state and placed the photo back where he found it, turning around he was almost relieved to find that Lorelai had gone to the kitchen to get the food.

The evening had actually been enjoyable for the both of them. Lorelai felt comfortable around Jess. She didn't know why but for some reason she felt like she could really talk to him. Much to her surprise Jess had felt the exact same feeling towards Lorelai. He had told her what had happened within the four years they hadn't seen each other, moving in with his dad, moving away form his dad, getting a job he loved and felt like he could continue with and also about what him and Rory had spoken about. He tried to stay away from the subject of Luke as he had the sinking feeling that might have put a damper on the night's happy vibe. He also noticed that Lorelai didn't talk about anything that hadn't happened before Libby was born. She talked about work and of course Libby but that was it, it was the only conversation Jess had had with Lorelai where it as almost completely one sided. As the night drew on and the beer Lorelai provided was consumed the conversation began to move away from the topic of the past, Jess had finally got up enough courage to ask the question that had been burning in his mind since he saw her that morning.

"Can I ask you something? You might take offence too it but it's really something I need to know." Jess asked pealing the label off the bottle of beer in his hands, purposefully avoiding Lorelai's questioning gaze.

She knew what was coming and knew that was no way to avoid it. In a way she felt almost relieved that he was going to ask her, she felt as though she could tell Jess everything. It had been so long since she had spoken to someone who didn't think that 'Dora the Explorer' was the best person in the universe. Taking a beep breath to prepare herself she answered hesitantly. "Yeah….sure"

"Who is Libby's dad?" Jess asked bluntly, the question was blurted out so fast that he didn't think she had heard him.

"Who do you think her dad is?" now it was her turn to purposely avoid his surprised watchful eyes. Her reply was filled with sorrow and Jess could hear it. He knew the subject wouldn't be her favorite but he didn't purposefully want to upset her.

"I wouldn't know…I mean its been so long since I have seen you…. but that last time I saw you it looked like you and……" he hadn't really been thinking, more like thinking out loud and he soon realized where his conclusions had lead him. _Luke._

He couldn't believe it, _how could she take Luke's baby away from him? Does he even know about Libby? Why the hell would she take his kid?_ None of it made any sense and the longer it took to sink in the more questions he thought of. He was almost angry at her for doing it and it was none of his business. Although technically she was his cousin, so it was his business in a way. He looked over to where Lorelai was sitting, she had moved and now had her arms wrapped securely around her knees with her chin resting on her forearms. She looked innocent and guilty all at the same time and the only emotion Jess had at that moment was pity.

"Luke?" he didn't know why he asked he just wanted to make sure before he completely jumped to conclusions, for all he knew she could be Taylor's. _That's not a nice thought._

He was still looking at Lorelai and waiting for her to respond. Her answer came as a shock to him, he expected her to deny it or maybe change the subject but with out a moment's hesitation she lifted her head looked him dead in the eye and answered "Yes"

He knew the answer was coming, it hadn't taken him much to figure out that Luke was her dad but it still took him by surprise and still wasn't sure how to deal with the new emotions he was experiencing. "So you're not even going to deny that you took his child away from him? That he doesn't know about that little girl?" his thoughts and actions were beginning to take on a life of there own and he was fighting franticly to gain control of them before he said something he shouldn't.

"Why would I lie to you? It's not worth it." Her eyes were case down guiltily toward the floor and it occurred to her she hadn't felt like this since she told her parents about Rory.

"Ok then if you have noting to hide or lie about tell me what happened. I have been here for hours and you haven't mentioned anything since before Libby was born. Now I know something happened and I want to know what it is." Jess knew he was getting dangerously close to Lorelai gaining her composure and kicking him out. _Well if your gonna go out it should be with style. _He was standing near Lorelai who still hadn't looked up, but was staring at the top of her head intently waiting for her reply.

"Your right something did happen but it's in the past and I don't talk about the past because ironically it's in the past….you can't change it. So just leave it alone I think I have made enough confessions for tonight" Jess was still looking at her waiting for an

explanation when the thing he was fearing happened.

"So that's it?….Your not even going to defend your self? You do realize that you look like the bad guy? What are you going to do when that little girl asks who her dad is? Do you know how hard it is growing up with out a dad? Do you know how hard it is knowing that he didn't want you? Did you even give him a choice? Because knowing Luke he would never have left you alone and pregnant with his child. I deserve to know what happened and if you don't tell me I'm going to tell Luke." He almost clapped his hands over his mouth once he was finished and his face probably showed more shock than Lorelai's who wasn't blinking. He knew it was going to happen and he really didn't want it to but once he started he couldn't really stop. Now it was his turn to feel guilty and he took his original seat next to Lorelai looking down at the floor in shame. In fact he was more shocked that she hadn't yelled at him yet, or maybe that was still to come and she was just taking in what he had just said. His realization was right.

"Do you think im proud of what I have done? Do you think it was easy to leave him…. No….wait….. Actually I didn't leave him he left me. Yep that's right THE Lukas Danes left me, I asked him flat out if he loved me and if he didn't I said I would leave and never come back. So thats what I did, do you think I was going to stay around and wait for him to move on or worse tell him about Libby and have him take me back. I couldn't stand knowing that the only reason he was with me was because he had a duty to his unborn child. He wasn't there for me, none of them were. Rory left, Luke left, my mum and dad abandoned me which you would think I would be used to but it hurt when they took Rory away from me. You have no idea what the hell I have been through. So don't you tell me you deserve to know because I don't owe you a damn thing. I don't owe anyone anything it's my life and I can do what I want." He was staring at the fuming woman in front of him and knew that there was still something she wasn't saying. He was just about to move his lips to ask his question when Lorelai's anger ridden voice cut through the apartment.

"Oh my God what do you want to hear? That I was depressed? That I couldn't live with out my daughter and the man that I loved? That I hadn't moved out of bed for a week? That I didn't eat for 4 days? That I tried to kill myself because it was so much easier that dealing with the emotional pain I couldn't feel?" Lorelai had now stood up and was now looming over Jess who looked dumfounded at Lorelai's confession and was still trying to comprehend what he had just heard. "Yes I Lorelai Gilmore, high and mighty independent woman tried to commit suicide three years ago today." Her rant finally over she sat back down on the sofa next to Jess who was still staring at the spot she had just occupied.

Jess wasn't sure how to react. He knew that things were bad with Lorelai and that she had defiantly changed but he couldn't even think about her wanting to kill herself. He thought about how much pain she much have actually been in to have done something like that and it actually made him was to give her a hug. He still hadn't moved and slowly moved his eyes so he was once again looking at Lorelai.

It hadn't occurred to him that he hadn't actually looked at Lorelai since he had seen her this morning. She was wearing a long sleeved top and it suddenly occurred to him that it was probably hotter inside than out and the reason why suddenly sank in deeper as each realization hit him. She had lost weight, Lorelai had always been slim considering the amount of food she ate but now after having a baby just two years ago she looked thinner.

"I don't know what to say….does anyone know?" he was looking at Lorelai intently and her head started to move as she answered his question, looking up to meet his glare of confusion.

"Sookie was the one who found me, it was only about 10 maybe 15 minutes since I had…… she's the only one who knows about Libby. I found out I was pregnant in hospital after that I went to therapy and moved out here. You have to understand I want to tell Luke and I want to tell Rory……god to see her would do…..but they left me…… how much do they think of me if it was so easy to do?" the pain she had holding back suddenly forced its way through and she could no longer hold back the tears she had been carrying around all day.

She pulled her knees up to her chest again and hid her tears from Jess. It wouldn't have taken a mastermind to figure out she was crying and Jess couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt for reducing her to tears. Without even thinking about the possible awkwardness that was about to come Jess moved closer to Lorelai and slung his arm around her shoulders gently gliding his hand up and down her left arm. He felt Lorelai tense when he started moving his arm but ignored it and carried on trying to sooth her the best he could.

He didn't know how long they had been like that but it must have been a while as Lorelai's tears had subsided and they were now sitting in silence on the couch, waiting for the other to break the silence. With out warning Jess stood up and moved to stand in front of Lorelai who up till that moment was avoiding looking at him. She looked up and followed him as he crouched down in front of her looking her directly in the eye, taking her hands gently in his. "I'm not going to pretend that I know what you went through because I have no idea. But on some level I understand why you haven't told Luke and Rory but you have to see that leaving it any longer will make it worse when the time comes. Do you really want to see Libby grow up without her dad and her big sister around?" Jess patiently waited for answer but didn't receive one. He frowned for a second at the terrified look on her face and then slowly followed the direction her eyes were cast.

She hadn't moved since Jess had stood up and she couldn't remember breathing either, she was petrified. No one had seen her scar except Libby who as to young to understand, the only time Sookie had seen it was three years ago today, and it wasn't a scar then. She wanted more than anything to tear her hand away from Jess's grip and lock her self in her bathroom until he went away, she felt ashamed. She was staring so intently at her wrist that she didn't notice that Jess had turned her hand over so her wrist was facing upwards.

Panic ran through her and she couldn't move. Tears began to pour down her cheeks again and this time she made no effort to cover them. Something in the back of her mind made her believe that if he saw it the pain from the last three years would melt away, and part of her believed it so much it wouldn't allow her to move. She snapped out of her thoughts just before Jess's hand reached her sleeve to pull it upwards. "Don't….please" Her words of protest were ignored and she felt powerless to what he was doing.

His actions stopped only for a second before he continued on his mission. He knew if she let him do this she would trust him and it would take everything he had not to betray her trust _she's been through to much. _He thought silently to himself. Reaching out he slowly pealed back her dark blue top and pushed it slightly up her forearm.

It felt as if her heart had stopped beating, if only for a second it wasn't a welcome feeling and she had only felt if once before on her life. Her eyes hadn't moved from there original position and if she had looked up she would have seen that hadn't even looked down to see he most shameful feature. His actions had stopped when her wrist was exposed; he was silently waiting for her to give him come reassurance that she was ok. She knew this and realized what he was doing. By showing her scar she was embracing what she and done, she hated to admit it but she was in denial about the whole thing. At times she even went as far to say it didn't happen, she would have believed it if it were for the more than obvious scar she carried around.

Embracing your fears were the only way to concur them, so that just what she did. With shaky hands she released her self from Jess's grip and slowly removed her watch. She looked up for the first time since she had admitted she had tried to kill herself and looked into Jess's eyes. She saw nothing but respect and faith. Without breaking there eye contact Lorelai reached out and pulled off each bracelet. She could feel the air on her wrist, a feeling which felt a bit alien at first and then looked down at her bare wrist for the first time in almost three years.

She didn't like looking at it, it reminded her of why she had done it and to be honest she was worried that she might go back to that state of mind if she thought about it to much. She had to embrace it as part of her past and move on, it was just a scar. All scars had stories behind them, it was just that this one had more of a colorful past than her others; for example the one on her elbow was from a school trip when she fell down a pot hole in the road, the stretch marks on her belly were from her children and she could point out which ones belonged to which girl. They all made up the different parts of Lorelai Gilmore and it was the first time in three years she could say she felt like her old self.


	7. Two Plates, A Frying Pan and A Spatula

its not very long becuase i couldnt really be botherd with it all and i kinda lot my momentum about two sentences into it lol. but from here it should get more interesting and i promise it will get better after it gets alot worse! (i mentioned to someone before that i dont like writing happy things coz there kinda boring!)

hope you enjoy and hopefully 8 wont be far behind if the weather stays cold (its raining) and my damn computer works! happy reading

dont forget to review as always...thanks!(btw the chapter name is really irrelavnt...i jst couldt think of anything else to call it! lol)

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She thought that opening up to someone as much as she did might have caused a lot of unrealised feelings to come out. When they didn't she was more than a little shocked and decided that it was because she knew they were there she just chose to ignore them. Jess had decided to go home shortly after Lorelais confession and with confirmation from Lorelai that she would call soon. It was the best she had felt in ages and was even better when she remembered that it was Sookies day to visit. She let Libby stay in bed for as long as possible, or until she woke up and decided to make her self breakfast. Ultimately ending in the destruction of two plates, a frying pan and a spatula. With Libby awake and blissfully unaware that Sookie was making a visit she couldn't help but keep the smile off her face that had been missing for to long. 

It was almost twelve when the buzzer for the apartment grabbed Libby's attention away from the TV she was staring intently at. She was the type of child who had to be aware of everything that was happening, just like her mom. Lorelai was sitting in the kitchen calmly drinking her 4th cup of coffee _slow day_ when Libby came skidding into the kitchen coming to a halt in front of her mother, almost colliding with her knees, which were about Libby's head height.

Lorelai looked down with bemusement on her face and placed her coffee mug back on the table. "What is it baby girl did you hear something?" she knew exactly what Libby was reacting to but thought that for her own amusement she would see how long it took Libby to lose her patients. "Door!" shouted Libby trying to get her mothers attention.

"I didn't hear anything Hun…..are you sure that it was the door?" Lorelai was now full on smiling looking down at Libby as she hopelessly tried to pull Lorelai towards the front door.

"MOMMY! Door" Libby had officially lost her patients and was standing almost out of the kitchen with her arms folded in front of her chest giving the best pout a two year old could give.

"ok ok ok I believe you lets see who it is shall we?" she walked over to where Libby was standing and picked her up, it didn't take long for her daughter to relax into her embrace showing her forgiveness towards her mother. Placing a series of small kisses on her cheek Lorelai headed towards the door.

Pressing the buzzer for the door down stairs without checking who it was she stood back a little watching Libby excitedly staring at the front door almost as if it was going to explode. It wasn't long before there was a short knock on the door and Libby spun her head around to look at Lorelai and then fixed her gaze back to the door and began to move in Lorelais grasp working as fast she could to free herself. Lorelai moved to the door and opened it swinging it wide to show her red headed best friend and her two children.

"OOKIE!" Libby exclaimed as she saw who was waiting behind the door. She successfully jumped out of Lorelai's arms and ran straight towards Sookie looking for her usual greeting.

"Hey muffin" Sookie practically shouted as she bent down to embrace Libby in a tight hug almost ignoring Lorelai. "You have grown again! I swear if you keep growing at this rate your not going to fit thought the door" Libby let out a series of loud uncontrollable giggles at her aunt Sookie's silliness and soon realised that she had more visitors in the shape of Davey and Martha. Placing Libby back down Sookie moved through the front door and approached Lorelai and was almost shocked to see the huge smile on her face. Sookie knew that she was better after what had happened before Libby was born but some part of her had been last forever and Sookie didn't think that it would ever come back. Although today there was the tell tail smile on Lorelai's face that had definitely been missing from the last two years.

Once everyone was greeted and Libby had sufficiently calmed down Libby, Davey and Martha retreated to Libby's room to let the 'grown ups' talk. After the usual gossip had been exchanged and Lorelai was informed of the entire goings on in Stars Hollow she brought up the one subject that hadn't been spoken about in years. "How's Luke?" The conversation had gone quiet and it was probably the last thing Sookie was expecting, judging by her reaction to the question which was her violently chocking on her coffee.

Lorelai knew she had taken Sookie by surprise mainly due to the fact that she was now staring at her as though she had a carrot growing out the side of her head. "Well I just wondered how he was after three years. I don't think we have even mentioned him." Lorelai felt like a school girl who had just brought up the wrong conversation topic at the dinner table and was now looking directly down averting Sookie's bemused gaze.

"I just…..didn't think that you wanted to talk about him….I mean after what happened and how good you're doing its just strange that you should bring it up now."

Sookie had now switched into full suspicious mode and knew there was something Lorelai wasn't telling her.

Lorelai was privately waging a battle with herself. Should she tell Sookie about Jess and what had happened? Should she go back to Stars Hollow after everything that's happened? Could she really see Luke again? Finally all of the questions that had been running around her head erupted in a not so coherent rant.

"I don't know what to do, I want Libby to know Luke I mean he has a right, he's her dad and what about Rory? Libby's got a big sister who's amazing and a successful journalist …. Why is it so hard? Why am I so scared? It shouldn't be like this, I'm just afraid that if I go back he won't want to see me….or Libby and I don't think I could handle that again. But after what Jess said…..he was right….My God I never thought I would say that….but I shouldn't be the one who decided if Luke sees Libby. After all I do still love him and I think he loves me….but why would he say he never wanted to see me again. What is he going to think if he finds out that I tired to kill myself?"

If Sookie hadn't stopped her through utter confusion she would have gone on until she had literally passed out from exhaustion. "WHOA…..ok to start with breath….calm down and sit down….second you saw Jess?...third where the hell did all of this come from?"

It took nearly four hours until Sookie was finally clear on all of the details of Jess's visit, and to say she was more than slightly shocked would have been an understatement. She knew what she was about to ask would get one of two reactions. Lorelai could say yes and be extremely happy that Sookie had asked her or she would just straight out laugh in her face.

"Ok so I have an idea and I don't know what you're going to say! And I didn't want to ask you because I didn't think you would be ready for something like this and it's a big deal….and your doing so much better and it would be really nice……well do you want to come to Daveys birthday party?" it was like asking so out on a date, she didn't think she could be more nervous if she tried, she took in a deep breath and held it until she heard Lorelais answer.


	8. Home

I got sooooo stuck on this chapter and it was almost impossible to get started. I hope you like it I'm not sure how many more chapters I can do because once everyone is happy it might get a bit boring lol but ch9 will be along shortly! The Party….the 1 I have been waiting for and it should be fun to write.

By the way I hope you like the cliffhanger….hee hee I like writing them but I hate reading them.

Review review review please….thank you

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What did I say yes? I could have said anything……I'm washing my hair...no that doesn't really work…doctors appointment…that one could have been possible. She had been lying in bed now for at least two hours mentally kicking herself for agreeing to go back to Stars Hollow. She spent a further hour trying to think of remotely plausible excuse for not going. Then came to the rather sensible conclusion that she was being stupid and childish to even thing that she could get out of it, she would just have to swallow her fears and get on with it._

She had three days until she had to go back to Stars Hollow and it wasn't exactly like she was counting down the hours until she had to go back but she was looking forward to it, in an absolutely terrified kind of way. She was going to see Luke again and the thought was utterly petrifying.

She was still lying in bed trying to relax enough to drift into a restless sleep when she saw the light from the hall seep in through the now open door. She lifted her head enough to see Libby standing by the door rubbing her eyes sleepily. "You can't sleep to huh?" without answering the more than obvious question that her mother had asked Libby ran to the bed and with a small giggle leaped onto the bed next to her mother.

Libby was happily playing with her mother's hair when Lorelai felt that this was probably a good time to explain where they were going. "Libby? Would you like it if we went to Daveys birthday party in a few days?" the question was obviously something that Libby was excited about as she almost jumped on Lorelais head with excitement. "I'm guessing that's a yes?"

"PARTY….new dress" Lorelai laughed at how much her daughter was like her but knew that she had to try and explain to Libby that she were going to meet her dad for the first time. "There's something else I need to explain to you. Were going to meet someone while were at the party and I haven't seen him and a while and well…were going to meet your dad and possibly your sister…I'm not to sure if she's going to be there Sookie didn't say. Then there's the entire town that are going to want to meet you ….maybe this wasn't such a good idea." The last part of her confession wasn't really directed towards Libby she was mainly trying to convince herself she didn't have to go.

"No mommy want to go party." Lorelai realised that if she didn't go it wouldn't just affect her but also Libby, _its time I start putting my life back together_. "Ok sweetie we can go"

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_It shouldn't be this painful to go back, I'm doing this for Libby and that's all…..oh come on admit part of you wants to see what Luke looks like and how he's doing after all these years. But what if he's married…oh my god what if he has other children. No matter how long it's been since I saw him he's still my Luke and that won't have changed._

No matter how much she debated with herself about what she should do or what was going to happen when she saw Luke again she couldn't change anything now, she was only half an hour from Stars hollow. She decided to take her mind of Luke and turn her attention back to Libby who as joyfully singing along to Aerosmith on the radio

"Hun you know that listening to Stephen Tyler this much is probably going to have a serious effect on you when you're older" looking at Libby in the back seat of her car through the rear view mirror she couldn't help but smile. There was her two year old sitting in a bright yellow car seat happily swaying and loudly murmuring along to 'Dude Looks Like a Lady' on Lorelais road trip CD. It wasn't long before she passed the sign for Stars Hollow and she felt the wave of terror that passed over her as she passed the sign. It wasn't a big surprise that the town hadn't changed since she had left but it was as thought she had only left five minutes ago. Taking a beep breath and slowly expelling it she said the one thing she was thinking at that moment "home"

She wasn't exactly sure what she was going to do, the party wasn't until about four and it was only just twelve in the afternoon. She didn't want to impose on Sookie as she was probably stressed enough as it is. She parked in the centre of town and got out of the car and went around to Libby's side or the car to get her out. She knew what Gilmore's were like on road trips and had completely forgotten how much junk food she had given Libby to keep her remotely occupied during the trip. It wasn't long before Libby was detached from her car seat and Lorelai placed her on the pavement next to the car while she grabbed her bag from the backseat. Her back couldn't have been turned for more than 30 seconds but apparently it was more than enough time for a sugar loaded two year old to runaway from her mother.

It was probably the last thing that Lorelai needed today and adding to the stress she was already feeling she felt as though she was going to throw up. A single voice of reason entered her mind as she realised that this was Stars Hollow, she was perfectly safe. Then try telling that to the woman who was very convincingly pulling off her audition for 'Girl, Interrupted' fully expecting the nice men in white suits to be lurking around the corner.

Although she knew the town like the back of her hand she couldn't even think about the first place to look. "LIBBY" she ran panic stricken around the car to discover no sign of her daughter. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she thought it was going to explode, _so this is a heart attack. _She was frozen in place standing in the middle of the square trying to calm herself down long enough to think about what she should do. "LIBBY…..please" the tears began to fall and she couldn't think let alone move, if something happened to her she would have nothing left to live for. "Libby" she began to move back towards her car when she hared someone behind her. "Can I help you?" she turned around to see Babette standing there looking as though a feather would knock her over. The thought that Babette might tell the whole town she was back didn't seem to even cross her mind all she wanted was to hold her little girl again.

"Please I can't find my little girl!" the look Lorelai got back was one of pure shock and utter confusion.

"Well sugar I'm not sure where Ror…" Lorelai cut her off seeing no reason why Babette was being to unreasonable.

"NO….no you don't understand Libby….I can't find my daughter" she couldn't stand in one place she kept looking around in circles looking franticly for Libby, to no avail.

Since she had lost Libby she calmed down enough to listen to her surroundings, it was then that she heard it. It sounds like heaven and possibly the best thing Lorelai had ever heard. And it was the first and last time she was ever going to say that. With out saying another word she ran towards Weston's and towards the noise that was almost like a life line to her.

It wasn't long before she rounded the corner and she saw the most wonderful sight she had seen in a long time. There standing against the wall was Libby. She was screaming and crying for what could have been hours but in reality was probably only a few seconds. The tears were still falling down Lorelais cheeks but this time out of pure joy.

At the sight of her mother Libby ran towards Lorelai and the pair were soon embraced in a loving hug. "don't you ever run away from me again….you scared mommy to death" Through the sobs and wails that were still coming from Libby Lorelai could hear her faint calls to Lorelai as she gently soothed her daughter until she was asleep. Reluctantly moving out of the space next to Weston's Lorelai could see Babette still looking shell shocked standing exactly where she was when Lorelai ran off.

She knew that a long explanation was forth coming and she wasn't exactly looking forward to it. "Babette I'm sorry for how I reacted…I was just worried" she offered her a small smile hoping that she might just leave her homecoming alone, just for once.

"Its ok sugar you don't have to explain anything. So how long are you back in town for?"

"listen Babette I was wondering if maybe you could not tell anyone that I'm back, it's a surprise for Daveys birthday party….you are going right?" it was a stupid question and the hope that Babette wasn't going to say anything was a small one, but its better to ask.

"Of course I'm going Hun and don't you worry I wont mention it to anyone it will be a nice surprise for everyone when you show up." Lorelai was almost certain that she was having a heart attack but she hid it well enough until she was back in her car and heading towards her old house.

Once everything was settled and Libby was safely situated in Lorelais old room she decided to take a nap before the party. _I have definitely had more than my fair share of shocks for today. _Once she was situated on the couch it wasn't long until she was almost asleep when she heard a slight knock on the front door. The all to familiar feeling of panic ran through her and she grudgingly pulled herself of the couch and walked towards the front door.

There was a slight moment of hesitation before Lorelai swung the door open to see one person she could honestly say she was happy to see, that was the first and last time she would ever say that too.


	9. What are you doing here?

Thanks for all of the reviews so far. And for those of you who read my other fic im gonna do a part 2 for ch6 but my net has bin down so I posted it as fast as I cud while I had it lol! Keep reviewing (an for those of u who were worried no Lorelai wasn't raped…..i may like unhappy stories but im not that nasty)

thanks to Humz for the FAST beta work

Enjoy

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It was Jess, she didn't know what he was doing there or how he knew she was in town but she did know that she was damn glad to see him. If she was going to get through this weekend in one piece she needed all of the support she could get. She might have had Sookie and Libby but knowing that Jess knew about her past and what she had been through it made her feel safe to be around him.

Neither of them said a word all Lorelai did was close the two steps that were separating them and threw her arms around him in an appreciative hug. He knew as well as she did that his presence was welcome. "I have no idea what you doing here but thank you."

The moment was soon cut short as the all too familiar yell for 'mommy' was heard from upstairs. As Lorelai climbed the stairs she remembered what it was like for her and Rory in that house. How young she had been when they moved in, how scared Rory had been their first night in a strange place _it seems their more alike than I thought. _Lorelai was right, it seemed Libby had woken up and found herself in a strange place without her mother.

It wasn't long before Libby had calmed down enough for Lorelai to take her down stairs to say 'Hello' to their guest. "Hey Libby did you have a bad dream?" Jess and Libby hadn't known each other that long but they had already seemed to click. It was another feeling that Lorelai didn't like so much, the thought that she was keeping Libby from her family. A small smile crept across Lorelais as she thought of how much that could all change within the next few days. He looked on contently as Jess interacted with his cousin _although she doesn't know that yet_. It wasn't long before Lorelai drifted off to sleep sitting in the corner of the room. The last thing she saw was Jess reading Libby's favourite book to get her too sleep.

By the time she woke up it was almost four. A slight moment of panic hit her as she realised that the party was in less than twenty minutes. She figured that there was no need dressing up for a fourth birthday party and settled for just changing her top for something more comfortable. There was another moment of panic when she noticed that Libby and Jess were nowhere to be found. She walked towards the kitchen noticing that Rory's old bedroom door was open, the picture before her was enough to melt her heart. Libby was lying snuggled against an also sleeping Jess. It didn't even bother her that the book he had been reading to her was his copy of 'The Slaughterhouse-Five'

It wasn't long before the pair were awoken by a giggling Lorelais who made them very aware that they were going to be late if they didn't hurry up. Libby had practical ran all the way to Sookies which made it incredibly comical for Lorelai as Libby had no clue where she was going. As they rounded the corner they began to grasp just how big this party was going to be.

All of Stars Hollow had turned out and brought half of Connecticut with them. There were banners, streamers and balloons everywhere, what looked like miles of tables that wrapped around the whole street all of which were covered with Sookies amazing food. In the middle of the party was a pile of present which look like it was almost being guarded by a grown man dressed as Tigger. Lorelai couldn't suppress the giggle that was rising in her throat. Sookie had definitely gone all out this time.

Her attention was soon turned back to her two year old who was hopelessly trying to drag her towards something. "Face Paint! Mommy"

"Hun I don't think…." Her thought was cut short as Libby directed her in the direction of a small table that clearly said 'FACE PAINTING' above it.

Once Libby had been successfully turned into a Ladybug (via face paint) it didn't take very long for the rest of the activities to kick in. Lorelai made the executive decision to leave Libby to her fun and go and find her own.

She hadn't been left alone for five minutes and the continuous bombardment of questions was beginning to give her a headache. Luckily Babette had kept her promise and no one seemed to ask her any questions about Libby which Lorelai was incredibly happy about. She had managed to find a corner to hide away in until she saw someone she wasn't expecting.

"Rory?" she hadn't changed at all, she had kept her long hair and judging by her outfit her job was going considerably well.

At the sound of her name Rory had frozen. To someone watching she looked as though she wasn't breathing, Rory wasn't sure she was breathing either. Almost as if she didn't have control of her own body she swung around to face the one person she thought she would never see again. "Mom?"

They stood frozen, staring at each other for minutes. Thoughts and realisations passing silently between each other. What Rory said next was a result of not thinking before she spoke something that rarely happened to her, looking back now she would have chose something different to say to her mothers who she hadn't seen for three years.

"What are you doing here?" judging by the way Rory had asked the question she wasn't exactly happy to see her mom, she knew it and so did Lorelai a fact which almost broke her heart.

"What do you mean what am I doing here….Sookie invited me" Rory refused to look into Lorelais eyes, she knew that the pain was evident to the both of them

"It's been three years, why chose to show up now" Rory definitely wasn't pulling any punches and the will not to cry was fading fast.

"I….I don't know" she couldn't tell her yet, any way how was she suppose to word it, it's not like she hadn't thought about how she would tell Rory its just that it never sounded right.

"Do you know anything? Do you know what you did when you left? How painful it was?"

"Don't talk to me about pain; I know damn well what happened when I left." _Well that was a lie. If she only knew what pain I went through_

"You walked out mom. Things got a little too hard for you and you left. Am I that easy to forget?" she was in shock _how could Rory ask that._

The tears that were staining Lorelais face had been falling freely for the whole gut wrenching conversation but she hadn't noticed. Her whole body had gone numb and she couldn't move. She wanted to runaway, scream, defend herself but she couldn't. Luckily someone did for her.

"Hey don't talk to your mom like that. You have no right." Rory was so shocked to see jess Jess that the ability to talk flew straight out of the window.

"You don't know what she has been through did you know she had a……." "Jess!" Lorelai knew he was about to say baby and knew Rory had to know but not like this. Jess turned his head to see a crushed Lorelai conveying all he needed to know through one look. He nodded his head knowing he turned his back to Rory and began ushering Lorelai in the direction of home.

"She had what….a moment of clarity when she realised she didn't love her daughter."

They both froze, jess couldn't believe Rory had just said and figured Lorelai was in the same position he was in, as she was holding her breath in pure shock. "When you know what your mom has been through in the last three years….then you can say that, but at the moment….you have never looked dumber than you do at the moment." With that Jess almost dragged Lorelai away from the party.


	10. Oh my god…Is She Yours?

Hey guys tanks for the reviews for the last chapter….im gonna space these few out co other wise there wont be that many chapters left. I hope you like it, im gonna c if I can post at least one a day coz once this is finished im gonna carry on with 'Hit The Floor' (im a bit wrapped up with this 1 at the mo"

This is for you lot

ggirlsismylife and nk-number1actress - I think you might have reviewed every chapter so far!

GilmoreGirljavajunkie- you were the first person to review (thank you btw)

krazyirishdncr- it still makes me laugh lol

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Jess didn't think Lorelai had released the breath she had been holding since Rory's comment but concluded that since she hadn't passed out yet she must have. They had both been so shocked and dumbfounded that they had both completely forgotten about Libby, who was blissfully unaware of what was happening. "Libby! Oh my got I'm a terrible mother I forgot about her." Lorelai's tears had all but subsided until now as a fresh batch happily washed away the remainder of her make up.

"No your not! Go on ahead and I'll meet you at yours, I'll go and get Libby." Lorelai knew there was no arguing with him. She knew he wouldn't listen and truth be told she didn't want to go back to the party. Without answering she turned on her heal and solemnly began the walk back to her house.

It didn't take long for Jess to find Libby, who as it turns out was the only one still standing after all of the festivities had finished. "Libby!" Jess yelled as he approached the presents table Libby was standing next to. At the sound of Jess's voice Libby began to run towards him. "Your moms gone home, how about we get her some cake to cheer her up?" Libby eagerly nodded her head and signaled for him to pick her up. With a small squeal of excitement Jess hoisted Libby up so she was comfortably sitting on his hip.

Once he had located the cake table and found a big enough piece for Lorelai not to moan about, Libby had fallen asleep on Jess's shoulder and was quietly murmuring something in her sleep. As Jess spun around to head back to Lorelai's he was almost knocked over by a huge shoulder heading in the other direction.

Jess was more than ready to give his usually New York attitude to the owner of the shoulder when he realized who it was attached to. At that moment it was probably the second least welcome face he could have seen, the first being Rory and the second being Luke.

"Jess what the hell are you doing here?" his gaze soon shifted to the sleeping little girl snuggled into Jess's neck. "Oh my god….is she yours?" the colour simultaneously drained from both of their faces as they both stood there staring blankly at each other.

Jess was some what stuck between a rock and an incredibly hard place. If he said Libby was his not only would he be lying to his uncle and the actual father to the girl he was holding but also he would definitely be on the other end of a fist. If he said she wasn't his he would ask who her parents were and again would be stuck for an answer

"Um….listen….I got to..." at that moment Libby decided to wake up. She lifted her head off Jess's shoulder and cast her sleepy eyes over Luke. It wouldn't have taken a genius to figure out who her mom was, they were almost identical. Luke couldn't take it all in, her amazingly blue eyes, short brown curly hair, small button nose; even the freckles on her cheeks were a carbon copy of Lorelai. If how she looked didn't tip him off then how she was dressed definitely did. A 'Bangles' t-shirt, denim skirt and pink converses and the bright pink cowboy hat was also a big give away.

Luke's face shot up to meet Jess's panicked wide gaze. He knew he had figured out on his own who her mother was, he didn't want to make it any worse so with out another word he left.


	11. Mommy are you sad?”

It's not an update it's a repost coz I had a lot of reviews saying that Jess was repeated twice. It was because my beta put in corrections and I thought that it updated them automatically but obviously it didn't. There's nothing new so if you have already read it there's no need to again.

Thanks for the reviews and comments

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Jess practically ran home after he had managed to give Luke the slip, which considering he was now holding a very awake two year old wasn't easy. It didn't take long for them to arrive back at Lorelai's and for Jess to burst through the door as though he was being chased. He placed Libby down and thought it best to lock the door after him. _This may be Stars Hollow but I think we have had more thank enough surprise guests for one day. _

He saw Libby disappear upstairs and headed to the kitchen to make Lorelai some coffee. It didn't surprise him to find coffee already in the coffee machine but what did strike him as odd was the orange stain on the floor by the kitchen table. He had been in the kitchen once already today but he hadn't really taken anything in. Dismissing it as most people would he headed upstairs with the biggest mug he could find and filled it to the top with coffee and a piece of Davey's Birthday cake.

He slowly approached Lorelai's old bedroom door to over hear Libby talking quietly to Lorelai. "Mommy are you sad?" Libby was lying on the bed with Lorelai who was clearly crying.

"No ladybug I'm just upset, mommy will be ok in a minute." Feeling she had gotten a satisfactory response Libby snuggled closer to Lorelai who instinctively wrapped her arms around her thoughtful daughter.

Jess quietly opened the door and cautiously poked his head inside. Lorelai lifted her head up enough to see who it was, offered him a warm smile and went back to her original position. He didn't want to disturb them so he placed the cake and coffee on the bedside table and went to leave the room.

"If that's how Rory reacted to seeing me again how's Luke going to take it?" she hadn't really directed the question at jess but he knew she was talking to him. Her eyes were fixed firmly on Libby and she was lovingly playing with her hair.

"I kind of saw Luke after you left….he saw me with Libby and guessed that you were her mom." The comment was directly mainly towards the ground as he refused to look up and see her reaction. "What do you mean guessed?"

"Well it wouldn't take a genius to figure out you were her mom….. She's almost identical to you." Lorelai couldn't help but smile at him, she knew he was right. "Thank you….for being there….it means a lot what you said." She had lifted her head so she could look at Jess who only nodded in response.

She moved her gaze towards a very sleepy Libby who still had face paint on, even though she didn't really look like a ladybug anymore. "Come on ladybug we need to clean you up." Libby only turned over in protest to being woken up and Lorelai laughed along with Jess who only said "like mother like daughter" and left them alone.

He didn't really know where he was going but he thought he would leave the Gilmore girls alone for a while. He hadn't really been paying attention to where his feet had taken him until he was there. He remembered that some of his best times in Stars Hollow had been spent by the bridge and he couldn't help but smile.

He noticed a dark figure sitting on the bridge with there feet sung over the side hanging inches above the water. He had no doubt as to who it was so he decided to approach with caution, the last time they had had an argument here Jess ended up in the lake.

He sat down next to Luke and they sat there in what seemed like comfortable silence, Jess wasn't even sure that Luke knew he was there until he spoke. What are you doing here?" _Whoa déjà v. _The irony wasn't lost on Jess but he had bigger things to talk about.

"I'm here for Lorelai, I thought she could use some support" _no point in lying about it…well about the obvious stuff anyway. _

"Why would she need support anyway I thought you hated each other." Luke still hadn't looked at Jess and was quite happily talking to the waster slowly passing beneath them.

"Things change" there was another long pause while like calculated all of the information that he didn't quite understand yet.

"I don't know where to start" Luke was not looking directly at Jess who was purposefully avoiding his questioning gaze.

"She has a lot to tell you, trust me when I say it's going to be harder for her than it is for you. It's a lot to take in at once but I need to ask you something." There was a short pause while Jess waited for a response from Luke, when he didn't receive one he continued. "Why did you guys split up, I know you still love her it's just…… I wont tell Lorelai, that's your place and I wont get involved I just….wanted to know I guess." Jess wasn't sure what he was hoping for but the explanation he got was probably the very last thing he expected.

"I have a teenage daughter. Lorelai doesn't know, I couldn't tell her. I didn't know what to do. I felt like a failure….I panicked….I couldn't handle everything and I wasn't going to be a 'dead beat dad' so I did the only thing I could think of. Your right though, I do still love her." All Jess could do was stair in disbelief at Luke who was not looking any where other than in Jess's direction.

Mean while back at Lorelai's house there was a soft hurried knock on the front door. Lorelai was almost asleep when she was woke by the noise but decided to get up anyway. To say she wasn't in a good mood would have been an understatement, someone had just woken her up, she hadn't had coffee in about five hours and if they woke Libby up as well she would be even worse. She opened the door in a hurry wanting to get rid of who ever had woken her up as fast as possible. She didn't realise that her mood was about to get considerably worse, mainly due to the fact that the person on the other side of the door was going to make it so.


	12. You’re a Gilmore

I told you if you were lucky you would get two chapters in one day!

Enjoy!

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It was the second time she had seen her eldest daughter that day, usually that wouldn't be something to get excited about but considering she hadn't seen her in almost three years the shock made Lorelai's heart skip a beat.

"Rory" she hadn't moved since she had opened the door and hadn't even attempted to invite her in, she was still in shock.

"I didn't come to arguer, I just want to talk." Rory had made her own way into the house and was now standing next to the fire place.

"You're a Gilmore this will eventually end in an argument, but ok." Lorelai reluctantly sat down on the sofa opposire Rory.

"Where have you been, I tried looking for you after you left but realised that if u didn't want to be found I wasn't going to find you."

"New York, I got a job as a manager in a hotel."

"Why?" Lorelai didn't really understand the question but answered it any way.

"I needed money so I…."

"No….I mean why did you leave?"

"You mean you didn't figure it out? All that smarts and you cantcan't figure out why I left." Lorelai was starting to get angry but she tried her best to control her temper, for the mean time any way

"Well no…itsit's not like we were talking at the time…"

"That's why I left" there was a short pause while Lorelai waited for Rory's response, but all she received was stunned silence. "I left because you left me; I wanted to give you everything that I didn't have. A life, education, happiness and you threw it all away. Did you know I asked my Richard and Emily for help to keep you in school? Look what happened….you moved in with them and left me…..you had the life I never wanted you to have….I was alone, I needed you and you left. You didn't care enough I guess."

"What do you mean I didn't care and that I left you? You wouldn't listen to me you're the one that didn't care I needed you to listen to me….for once can't your life be about someone else?" the moment Rory had said it she wanted to take it back, she knew it wasnt true.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE…… you can't judge me for anything I have done. I only had your best interests at heart and look what you do any way…..go back to Yale. You ended up doing the one thing I wanted you to do in the first place. You just refused to listen to me and go the long way about it."

"Mommy?" the pair were so lost in their own conversation they didn't even notice Libby make the trip down stairs

The room had gone deadly silent and the only sound to be hareard was the slight creaking that Libby was making as she made the trip down the stairs towards her mother. Lorelai cast a quick but hesitant look over at Rory to see her gaping at the new presence in the room. Her attention was quickly turned back towards Libby and she moved to see if she was ok. "I'm sorry baby did we wake you up?"

Libby was now resting her head on Lorelai's shoulder as she gradually woke up. With the sudden realization that they weren't alone Libby's head shot up and her curiosity kicked in as to who the new person was staring blankly at her.

"Libby there's someone I would like you to meet" Lorelai slowly approached Rory who was still standing in shock by the fire place. "This is your big sister Rory." At the comment Libby's head shot around to look at Lorelai who slowly nodded her head to confirm what she had just said.

After Lorelai's comment had sunk in Rory began to breathe again. Libby was the first one to move as she stuck her arms out as if asking for a hug. At the sight of her two daughters hugging Lorelai found her self lost in emotions again.

Over come by her emotions she found tears running down her cheeks again fro the third time that day. At the sound of Lorelai quiet sobs Libby jumped out of Rory's arms and climbed her way into her mothers lap. Lorelai welcomed Libby's loving hug and sat back against the sofa so Libby could get more comfortable and hopefully fall asleep. It didn't take long until Libby was fast asleep being gently lulled by the movements of Lorelai's breathing with her own.

The room was quiet for a long time before Lorelai finally broke it. "Her name is Lorie Elisabeth Gilmore she's two years and four months old and her birthday is March 23rd and her family doesn't even know she exists." Lorelai was still watching the sleeping infant in her arms; she hadn't even seen that Rory had started to cry.

"Who is her dad?" at the question she looked dead into Rory's eyes and told her the truth. "Luke" Rory had guessed that it was Luke but she needed to hear it for herself.

"Is that why you left, because you and Luke split up and you found out you were pregnant?" Lorelai was slightly confused that she almost heard a hint of disappointment in Rory voice.

"Partly but not totally, Luke finished with me and I was completely broken, I needed my best friend and I was about to tell you when…. Do you remember when you told me about Yale I said I had something to tell you as well?" Rory slowly nodded her head remembering the day all to well. "Well it was the thing about Luke, but we got in a fight and well you know the rest. You have to understand that I had lost everything that meant something to me I was alone and no one even seemed to care." She had looked away from Rory as she had felt almost a wave of guilt wash over her when she knew she was to some extent lying to Rory.

She knew deep down that her mother wasn't telling her something but knew when she was ready she would, hopefully.


	13. How could you?

Its finally here….the Luke and Lorelai chapter well its only short and there not really much of a conversation lol but the next chapter should have more so review and I will see how fast I can write and post the next one.

Thanks to those of you who told me about the problem with the last chapter I hope itits ok now.

Review…….enjoy…….thank you!

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Rory and Lorelai stayed up most of the night talking and catching up. Lorelai talked mostly about Libby, just like she did when she was talking to Jess but neither of them minded considering it had been three years since they had spoken.

Rory told her about all of the articles she had published, her current boyfriend, about her graduation, everything that they had missed. For a brief moment everything felt like it was back to normal. By the time they had finished it was nearly four and Rory said she had to leave; she had to work in the morning.

"I'll stop by tomorrow and we can talk some more, hopefully I can spend some time with Libby" Referring to the fact that she was still fast asleep in Lorelai's arms.

Lorelai couldn't have been happier; she smiled at her daughter and agreed to see her tomorrow. The last thing Rory said brought her crashing down from her high, the guilt she had felt earlier creeping back into her heart.

"Oh mom…..I like your bracelets." With that said Rory headed towards the door, ignorant the fact that Lorelai's breath had hitched at the mentioning of her bracelets.

She had no idea what time she had finally gone to bed and she wasn't totally aware of what time it was when she was awoken by a very loud banding coming from down stairs. She knew it was the front door but that fact was totally lost on her as she soon noticed Libby's absence from the room. She knew Libby would never go outside but if she was downstairs on her own God knows what could have happened.

She hurriedly jumped off the bed and scrambled down stairs. If she had stopped to listen to the now quiet house she would have heard the faintest sound of voices coming from downstairs.

Libby had woken up an hour before Lorelai; instead of waking her mom she made the ten minute trip down the stairs to the front room. Silently lost in her Sunday morning television shows she was almost angry that someone dare have the nerve to bang so loudly, obviously waking up her mother in the process. Moving towards the front door she reached for the door knob and let out a small gasp that it actually opened.

The man standing in front of her was a giant, well not literally but for a two year old that's the best way to describe him. He hadn't noticed Libby as she was to close to the ground for him to see. He was still looking around the entrance way to the house looking for the person that had opened the door, expecting it to be someone at least in his eye level.

He took a quick glance down to check he wasn't going to trip over the small step into the house when he finally noticed Libby. She had a very confused look on her face and seem to be considering if she should let him in. "Is your mom home?" most people when talking to someone as little as Libby would bend down so they could see her face, not the giant still looming over the now almost scared Libby.

She was still frozen looking up at him when she heard a sound from behind her, it was like her neck was frozen and she couldn't move around to see who it was. With her face still turned upwards she noticed that the giant's eyes were diverted away from Libby and to what ever was standing behind her. She had the faint sensation of weightlessness as she was picked up from behind and from past experience she knew it was her mother's arms she was now clinging to.

Lorelai hadn't even bothered to pay attention to who was standing at the door, she was more concerned with the fact that in was the second time in two days that Libby had scared her like that. Having scooped up Libby she headed back towards the living room so she could sit down while holding Libby.

"You scared me to death, what have I told you about disappearing on mommy" she was looking directly at her daughters face and was gently pushing her messy hair back out of her eyes. It was then that she noticed that Libby wasn't looking at her and that her eyes were firmly cast in the direction of the front door. The realisation of what had just happened slowly began to sink in and Lorelai craned her neck to see the person she knew was standing there.

_Shit. _Lorelai hadn't moved and Luke was now very unsure of why he was actually there. He practically ran to her house and was adamant that he was going to get answers about the last three years. He had worked him self into such a frenzy that he hadn't actually thought of what he was going to say once he saw her. The pair were still looking at each other in shock and as usual it was Lorelai who broke the silence first.

She placed Libby back down and crouched down to talk silently to her daughter. "Hon, can you give mommy and her friend some time to talk?" Libby was very hesitant and really didn't want to miss anything but ran off in the direction of Rory's room in search of something to do. Taking a shake breath Lorelai slowly turned round to face a still stunned Luke. "You can come in you know, I'm not going to bite." She was referring to the fact that Luke had been standing in the door way to the house for about fifteen minutes and still hadn't moved. As if he wasn't in control of his actions Luke took the offer and for the first time in three years he was standing in Lorelai's house.

All of a sudden it was like a switch inside Luke had been turned on and he suddenly remembered what he had come to say. "How could you?"

Lorelai stared in shock at his first choice of words to her in three years. As she opened her mouth to respond he cut her off and began on the long explanation of what he meant.

"Did our relationship mean that little to you? You cheated on me, and from the looks of it while we were still together or at least just after we had broken up. What was all that guilt trip about 'if you don't love me im not going to stay around' it looks like I made the right choice by breaking up with you." He paused for a moment and Lorelai took this as her queue to defend herself, she was wrong. "Don't even sit there and try and deny it. That little girl in there is the result of your unfaithfulness to me. Let me guess is she Christopher's by any chance? I should have known not to trust you with him. You kept telling me you were just friends and I trusted you, you made me look like a fool. To think I loved you Lorelai…. did my feelings mean that little to you?"

It seemed as if all of the elements of the universe had decided that today of all days was going to be the one day that Lorelai Gilmore regretted the most. For the second time since Luke had started yelling Lorelai had tried to defend herself but this time she was cut off by someone completely different and rather unexpected.

"Why can't you just tell the truth? I know that what you telling both of us are lies. Do you expect me to believe that you left because me and Luke weren't there for you? How weak are you that you couldn't deal with your own problems?" Luke hadn't turned around his eyes were still firmly placed on Lorelai's shaking form, he didn't know when she had started crying but he didn't seem to care, he was too angry with her.

"You are such a hypocrite you're standing there calling me weak because I couldn't handle my own problems when correct me if im wrong but it was you who went running to your grandparents when I didn't help you. But if you must know I didn't do that, I tried to deal with my own problems and do you want to know what happened? Do you really want to know why I moved to New York to raise my daughter away from her family? I was ashamed…I was scared….alone…hurt and depressed and do you know what that lead to? I tried to kill myself because I had no one who was there for me." As if to prove her point Lorelai rolled up her sleeve to reveal her bracelet clad wrist, without thinking she ripped them away to reveal her scar.

"Now you finally know the truth you can bitch and moan all you want but that is it neither of you get to judge me for what I have done. You can scream and yell till my ears bleed but when it come down to it I don't need someone else to point out my own mistakes, I know what I have done wrong and I don't need either of you to stand there and tell me. Think what you want but I still have a lot more to say but if you don't mind I'm going back to sleep." She turned hard on her heal and ran up the stairs her hands covering her face, trying to hide the stupid amount of tears that were streaming down her face.

Lorelai was hysterical and half of what she had said didn't sound more than a squeak but both of them had got the message loud and clear. They didn't have much of a chance to take in what had happened before they saw an angry looking Libby standing in the door way to the kitchen

"Go away!" if it wasn't for the fact that both of them were in complete shock they probably would have laughed at how much she looked and acted like Lorelai. She was just standing there, staring angrily at the two of them, waiting for them to go. "You made mommy cry….go away." And with that said Libby ran upstairs to find her mother.


	14. What did you do that for?

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. I turned into one of them authors that doesn't update…..I'm a bad bad girl!

I had some serious writer block but if its any consolation I got in trouble at work for writing because I suddenly got an idea and would stop lol. Ok so I really didn't do either of the things I suggested lol but I have got the Luke Lorelai convo written down I just need to type it out.

As I finish work on Friday before I start uni I will probably be updating a lot because I'm not going to have the internet for a while and wont be able update.

Thank you to every one who reviewed with suggestions about what to do, sorry I didn't follow them lol

Review as always

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Lorelai had finally decided that she couldn't leave Luke to think that she had cheated on him. The thought that he might be slightly distraught due to what she had confessed to him and Rory earlier that day didn't even enter her mind. She had already dropped Libby off at Sookie's so she could talk to Luke as long as she wanted; the only thing that was running through her mind was what she was going to say when she saw Luke.

The walk to the dinner was shorter than she expected and by the time she had looked up to see where her feet had taken her she was standing on the front step, trying desperately to stop herself from hyperventilating.

As she reached out to open the door she noticed she was shaking, she wasn't sure why she was so nervous _it's not like he could be any angrier with me than he already is. _She took in a hesitant breath and slowly pushed open the door, it didn't occur to her that it was odd that it wasn't locked and she slowly made her way inside. The bell above the door gave an all too familiar ring that echoed through the empty dinner. Her feet were glued to the floor and she didn't want to move in fear of making her presence known.

She finally got the courage to move and deduced that he much have been upstairs if he hadn't heard her come in. The climb to the office upstairs was agonizing, she didn't want to talk to him after what he had said to her today but knew she had no choice. As she reached the top step she almost scared her self when she noticed her arm move of its own accord and open the door in front of her.

She couldn't see anything inside the apartment and she half considered turning back and going home, but something stopped her. She could see a light on inside and couldn't help her curiosity when she saw that the television was turned on, leaving an eerie glow to be cast over the sleeping form of Luke. As she moved silently into the room she noticed the abundance of empty beer bottles that were scattered around the chair he was slumped in. She tried desperately to blink away the tears that were suddenly present in her eyes as she realised that she was probably the cause of this binge.

Before she could stop herself she had knelt down beside him and was slowly running her fingers through his hair, the pang of hurt she still felt over what had happened made her stop just in time for Luke's dazed and confused eyes to fall on her pale, worried face.

"Lorelai?" his hand reached out and touched her face briefly, as though he were making sure she wasn't a dream. It didn't take more than a second for him to realise that he was awake and recoil his hand as though he had been burnt. He sat upright in the chair and nervously cleared his throat. "What are you doing here?" he moved so fast that Lorelai only saw a blur as he moved towards the kitchen to dispose of the evidence of his downward spiral.

"I thought we could talk, I think there's a few things we need to discuss." She moved cautiously around the room to sit on the bed, unsure of how she should act in his apartment.

"It's about Libby's father…." Luke's head shot up, he couldn't believe that she was going to try and justify what she had done. "It's not what you think" now it was Luke's turn to shut up and listen as Lorelai continued. Stopping briefly to concentrate on what she had come to say instead of the dull throbbing she felt in her heart at the sight of Luke. "It's not Chris, and I didn't cheat on you. I can't believe that you even thought that I had. I loved you with all my heart and you ripped it out and practically stomped on it. Then you had the nerve to insinuate I was the one that did something wrong in our relationship" so many thoughts were running through Luke's head that he wasn't entirely sure what Lorelai was saying and it didn't occur to him that Lorelai had suddenly gone quiet until she spoke again. "Luke….your her dad"

The room was silent for what seemed like hours. Luke was sitting uncomfortably on the couch and Lorelai was desperately trying judge his reaction based on her position across the room, sitting on the bed. Luke's mind was racing and he was beginning to feel light headed from his now hurried breathing, his lungs trying to get enough oxygen to the rest of his body. She wasn't expecting miracles, not expecting him to say all was forgiven lets be a family but she did expect him to say something. She realised he needed to take everything in so she did the only thing she could think to do, she sat there, in stunned silence for the second time that night.

Lorelai was adamantly staring at her shoes when her heart jumped at the loud sound of a phone ringing through the hushed apartment. She scrambled furiously to dig out her stupidly small phone from her jeans pocket. As soon as she noticed the caller ID her heart skipped again as a wave of terror mixed with fear shot through her. _Why is Sookie phoning? Oh god Libby._ "Sookie?" she was stood frozen to the spot while Sookie talked as fast as she could to explain what had happened.

Luke was vaguely aware that someone in the room was talking and it wasn't until he heard his apartment door being closed that he looked up. Lorelai was gone, he didn't know what he was doing but before he could stop himself he was running down the stairs after her. It wasn't until she reached the front door that she broke out into a flat out sprint to get to Sookies.

It didn't take long until she was rounding the corner to Sookies house when Luke finally caught up to her. She was stopped abruptly and no matter how much she tried the hand that was firmly placed on her shoulder wouldn't let go. She finally gave in and turned around to face a red faced and out of breath looking Luke. "Lorelai…what…you can't just tell me that and runaway…" he was still trying to catch his breath when Lorelai began to walk back in the direction of Sookies. She could hear Libby's screams as she neared the house and her heart almost broke. "Lorelai please….stop…..so that is you tell me and.."

"Luke….SHUT UP" he was taken back and completely lost as to what was happening. "This isn't about you and me…my daughter needs me." It was then that Luke realised where he was and that he could hear the faint sound of a child's screams. He wasn't sure what to do, he knew Lorelai would need help but did Libby know who he was, did Lorelai even wasn't to talk to him at the moment. He decided that it was better to be safe than sorry and tentatively walked up the few steps outside Sookies house and pushed open the door.

As soon as Lorelai walked into the house Libby's screams lessened as she saw her mother. She was stretched out on the couch with nothing but shorts on and a cloth on her head. Sookie was nervously pacing by the fire place and Davey and Martha were sitting at the top of the stairs looking on worriedly. Lorelai immediately walked up to Libby and sat next to her visibly ill daughter. "Oh God Libby." She looked down and stared into her eyes, seeing that she was in pain almost made Lorelai break down then and there. She gently placed her hand on her daughters head and soothingly began to ease her to sleep. It didn't work as planned but Libby's tears subsided and she rolled onto her stomach to get comfortable.

Lorelais hand went to Libby's back and she gradually rub it almost to try and take away her pain, Lorelai only wished she could. "Lorelai I'm so sorry, I know you wanted to talk to Luke but she started to burn up and then she was sick…so I just thought" Lorelai didn't take her worried eyes off her daughter but began to reassure Sookie. "Sookie it's not your fault, she probably caught something at Daveys party" she hadn't realised that Libby had almost fallen asleep and was now visibly shaking. She quickly scooped her up and held her close, taking the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch she securely wrapped it around Libby and gently rocked her back and forth as she used to when Libby was a baby.

Luke was still standing in the door of Sookies house and was amazed at just how good a mother Lorelai was. He had seen her raise Rory but not when she was little, she was absolutely in her element and Luke couldn't help but fall in love with her all over again. He could see Lorelai whispering something into Libby's ear to lull her to sleep and it obviously worked as Libby's soundless sobs stopped almost immediately.

Once Libby was asleep Lorelai stood up being careful not to wake Libby as she did. "Is it ok if I get her stuff tomorrow, I don't think I can carry it" She smiled wirily and began to turn around. It was the only time she had noticed Luke was in the room and staring openly at Lorelai. As she moved towards the door again Luke was shaken from his thoughts. "Where are her things?" he was blocking the door making sure he had Lorelais full attention. She gave him a sceptical look and wasn't quite sure what he was talking about. "Let me help" it was then she realised that Luke seemed to have adjusted to the news about Libby and was willing to help her. "It's by the sofa" Lorelai slowly indicated her head in the direction she had just come from.

Lorelai paused briefly in the doorway, she realised that is probably want a great idea to take a sick two year old outside when she was only wrapped in a blanket but she didn't have a choice. Walking as fast as she could with out waking Libby up as she headed in the direction of her house.

Luke was following Lorelai back towards her house, only not as fast. As he turned the corner onto Lorelais street he saw her dash inside and he quickly followed. The house was still dark when he walked in and he figured Lorelai must have taken Libby upstairs so her room. On instinct he turned on the lights and was flooded of the memories that had happened in that room earlier that night. He could hear voices coming from upstairs and moved towards the stairs leaving the pink and purple 'Dora the Explorer' bag on the sofa.

Libby had woken up when Lorelai had just reached the house when she quietly told her mom she felt sick. Lorelai made the mad dash to the bathroom and made it to the sink just in time for Libby to empty the rest of her stomach contents.

When she finally stopped a fresh batch of tears were staining her face, Lorelai placed Libby gently on the closed toilet and reached for a tissue to clean up Libby's face. Lorelai noticed that she was still shaking with a mixture of the cold and fear "its ok mommy's here, nothings going to happen," she silently picked her up and Libby instinctively wrapped her weak arms around her neck holding on to her mother . As Lorelai moved towards the bedroom she noticed Luke emerging from the top of the stairs and she carried on towards the bedroom.

Lorelai attempted to place Libby on the bed but she wouldn't let go of her mother's neck. Giving up Lorelai sat on the bed and sat Libby side ways on her lap "Could you pass me that t-shirt." She couldn't see him as he wasn't standing in the room but she knew he was there. Without question Luke walked in from the shadows and handed Lorelai a white cotton t-shirt that clearly wasn't Libby's. Once Libby was changed into something clean, comfortable and cooler Lorelai attempted to once again lay Libby back onto the bed, this time it worked.

"Can you get me a glass of water and some biscuits from the kitchen?" he moved so fast and quietly that Lorelai hardly noticed he had gone. Once Libby was detached from Lorelai she moved to her suite case to grab the bottle of child aspirin she kept with her in case of emergencies. By the time she had found it Luke was back in the room and placing the water and a small plate onto the bed side table. Libby was slowly drifting off to sleep but Lorelai knew she needed water and something for her fever.

Softly placing herself next to Libby she picked her up and placed her on her lap, a shiver of guilt passed through her as Libby let out another ear piercing scream at being woken up. "What did you do that for, she was almost asleep?" it came out a lot harsher than he meant it and instantly regretted it. Lorelais head shot up and without taking her eyes off him she reached for the glass of water off the table and looked back down to Libby.

"Baby you need to drink this and eat something other wise the pills won't work and you won't get better." Libby was still crying but reluctantly allowed her mother to feed her in between sobs and hiccups. Once half of the biscuits and two pain killers were consumed Libby fell asleep in Lorelais arms.


	15. In her head

its not long but im kinda stuck with this at the mo, i know where i wanna go i jst need to write it. my beta hasnt read it coz i jst got the net! like 2 mins a go so im posting all new chapters now n then i can read the 22 new updates to other storys u guys have bein writing in the WEEK i aint had the net!

Read and Review as always (i apologise 4 mistakes lol)

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Libby had slept through the night if not for a few fever induced nightmares. Needless to say Lorelai didn't sleep. Once it was light outside Lorelai gently climbed off the bed and went in search of the largest mug of coffee she could find. To say she was more than shocked to see Luke asleep on the couch was an understatement. She didn't remember seeing him leave the room last night but she was too worried about Libby to notice anything else. Quietly she reached the kitchen and began her morning ritual of making her coffee. "Hows she doing?" the voice made her jump, almost dropping the bad of coffee grounds she was not preciously holding.

"She will be ok, she just needs to sleep it off…..I was so scared, she never gets sick." Her back was to Luke but he could tell that she was on the verge of tears just by talking to her. "I'm not going to keep her from you, but at the moment she doesn't know who you are. She's your daughter and you have every right to be with her too. I just wish you could have been there from the start." The pain was more than evident in her voice and Luke knew they still needed to talk but all he wanted to do was hold her, kiss her, love her and protect her from everything that was wrong in the world. "Thank you." He couldn't help but notice how different Lorelai was treating him compared to Anna. For starters Lorelai actually told him, which was more than Anna did.

Lorelai slowly turned around to face him. It was the first time they had properly looked at each other since the other day; he couldn't help but notice how bad she looked. Her face was pale, her long hair haphazardly tied up out of her face, her make-up worn off long ago and the bags under her eyes looking more like black eyes than evidence of lack of sleep. But what concerned him most was that she was visibly shaking. The hand she was using to hold her coffee mug looked at though it was taking all of her effort not to drop it. Luke's eyes softened and moved back up to Lorelai's shy expression. She could guess what he was thinking and it made her feel better to know he still cared about her.

"Jesus Lorelai when was the last time you ate?" she looked down at her coffee and noticed she was shaking, she quickly grasped her mug with both hands and honestly tried to remember the last time she ate. Giving up she looked back at Luke and slightly shrugged her shoulders and avoided the question. She moved to the table and slowly pulled out her chair, she had barely sat down when the sound of Libby's cries rang through the house. Leaving her coffee on the table she ran towards the stairs to comfort her daughter.

Libby was sat in the middle of the bed with her head in her hands, clearly in pain. Lorelai sat on the bed and pulled Libby close, soothingly stroking her hair to try and ease her headache. Luke could do nothing but watch as Lorelai slowly calmed Libby down and she eventually stopped crying. "Mommy it hurts" Lorelai was trying desperately to blink back her tears at what her daughter had just said. "I know sweetie, do you want some more medicine and then you can go back to sleep?" Libby slowly lifted her head to look at her mother. Giving the best pout she could she stared at Lorelai and defiantly said "I'm not sleepy" no matter how much Libby protested the fever she still had eventually took over and drained her of the remainder of her energy.

Lorelai stayed with Libby while she slept, she hadn't realized but she had actually planned the whole conversation with Luke without even consulting Luke. She wanted him to see Libby, which was a problem since she lived in New York. She wanted to explain why she did what she did. Wanted to know why things when badly. Most of all she wanted him to know she still loved him. The conversation (in her head) had gone well up until that part. It was like she was watching a movie and suddenly the reel ran out, the adverts came on, the power went out. Not matter how hard she tried to comprehend how he might react she couldn't get to the most important part on the film.

She was getting frustrated with herself and wasn't sure what she should do.

With a large sigh she heaved herself as elegantly as she could off the bed and started towards the stairs. Try as she could she couldn't stop thinking about Luke, deciding she needed something to take her mind of her current situation she began to think about dinner. Half way down the stairs she realized that as usual for the Gilmore house hold she had no food. That particular problem was solved however as she reached the kitchen entrance and saw a small stack of Luke's bags sitting on the kitchen table. It was then she remembered how thoughtful Luke could be and she slowly began to examine her new found goodies.

Upon further inspection she soon found that Luke had taken care of everything, there was a huge cup of Luke's coffee and a small canteen that Lorelai assumed was chicken soup for Libby. She soon found that he had also included several burgers, a farley hefty portion of fries, a grilled cheese sandwich, a salad and a piece of pie. It didn't take long until Lorelai had reheated the soup grabbed some bread and a glass of water and was ready to head back upstairs. She stopped when she noticed one more bag that didn't sport the Luke's dinner logo like the other brown bags now abandoned on her kitchen floor. Quickly grabbing the bag and opening it she found just about every child flu medication product she could think of and some she couldn't.

Her heart began to flutter at the loving display of affection Luke had shown towards her and Libby. With a small smile she gently picked up the tray and the small bag on the counter and headed back towards her room. The grin that was still present on her face grew wider when she noticed Libby sitting in the middle of the bed, figuring that it was a very good thing she had woken up with out screaming Lorelai placed the tray down behind Libby and sat next to her daughter.

"Are you feeling better Hun?" Libby lightly nodded her head and turned her attention towards the food Lorelai had brought up. Lorelai placed the back of her hand on Libby's forehead and discovered she was still running a temperature, giving a frustrated sigh Lorelai grabbed the small bag she had brought up and placed a cooling strip on Libby's forehead, achieving a very strange look from Libby. Without hesitation Lorelai reached behind her and placed the tray firmly in front of Libby and watched nervously as Libby hurriedly drank down the soup, two slices of bread and half of her water, praying that she could keep it down.

Once Libby was fed Lorelai quickly changed them both and placed some more flu tablets for Libby to take on the tray and changed the now hot cool strip on her head. Laying back on the bed in pure exhaustion it wasn't long until Lorelai was joined by a very sleepy looking Libby. Climbing on top of her mother she snuggled and squirmed until she was comfortably wrapped in the comforter and protected by Lorelai's arms. Needless to say they both drifted off to sleep within a matter of moments; both gently lulled buy the sound of each others breathing.


	16. It Almost Killed Me

this has actually been read by my beta so hopefully there sudnt be many mistakes. i already started ch17 so it sudnt b long...if i can finish my script for my course then hopfully by the end of the week!

read...enjoy...review...please

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It was dark outside when she woke up and she was vaguely aware of the absence of weight from on top of her. Libby was curled up into a ball, snuggled into Lorelai's side. She was unsure of what to do but soon found her self wide awake and very bored. She carefully climbed off the bed and made her way down stairs. The light from the television was the first thing she noticed, the person watching it was the second. She took a quick glance at the clock on the wall and found it wasn't as late as she had first thought. She quietly stumbled into the kitchen, giving a large sigh she sat down and it wasn't long until Luke joined her. They sat in comfortable silence until Lorelai moved to get herself some water.

The emotional roller coaster mixed with the sudden lack of food and sleep finally caught up with her and it took all her strength to reach out her hand to attempt to steady herself. Her head went light and she couldn't feel her legs, she lost control of every muscle in her body and her breathing rapidly increased, making her vision blur even more.

"Lu-"her knees were the only thing that reached the floor before she was pulled up by Luke. Her breathing was still rapid and it took a while for her to open her eyes again. Luke could safely say they were some of the scariest minutes of his life. "Lorelai….open you eyes….Lorelai" Luke had been shouting her name for a minute and she slowly opened her eyes and was met by Luke's very concerned looking face. He quickly placed her on the floor, with her back securely leaning against the fridge while he grabbed a towel and ran it under the cold tap.

Lorelai flinched as she felt something cold hit her face and she slowly remembered where she was. "wha…" the realization of what had happened hit her and she felt incredibly guilty for letting this happen. "When was the last time you ate anything?" Luke was more than concerned for her and knew she was to busy caring for Libby to look after herself. He lovingly brushed away some hair that had fallen in her face and tilted her chin up to meet his face. "You can't help Libby lf your ill as well"

She smiled slightly and with help from Luke was sitting back at the kitchen table. "Please just eat something" she wasn't hungry, she didn't want anything to eat but Luke wasn't going to listen so she agreed. Luke obviously thought she still had her Gilmore apatite but like a lot of things that had changed when she left Stars Hollow. Luke put a plate in front of her with a cheese burger, fries, salad and a grilled cheese sandwich on it.

Once Lorelai had eaten half of the grilled cheese and the salad she walked upstairs to check on Libby. She didn't feel better but she didn't feel worse and guessed that was a good thing. Luke had left her to eat in peace and was sitting silently on the couch when Lorelai passed him on the way to the stairs. He decided to make himself useful and tidy up after Lorelai and was completely floored when he noticed the untouched burger and fries sitting on the kitchen table. His worries about her had increased dramatically but they were no longer together and he knew if he said anything to her she would just throw it back in his face.

By the time he had cleaned up Lorelai was back down stairs and sitting on the couch, he figured Libby was still asleep. "We can talk now if you want, although I'm not sure how long she will be asleep." Luke made his way to the chair in the corner of the room and sat down. The house was so quiet it was unbearable; neither of them knew what to say, or where to start.

"Do you want to go first or should I, because I honestly thing it's your turn for some home truths." Lorelai was purposefully looking down and was pretty sure Luke was going to tell her to go to hell, but to her surprise he didn't.

"I have a lot of questions but before we start there's something I need to tell you, of rather someone I need to tell you about" Lorelai's heart stopped, her breathing became shallow and her head felt funny. Gulping down a breath she composed herself to hear her worst fears _he's moved on._ "The reason I finished things between us was because….I found out I had a daughter" once Lorelai had finally calmed down she could actually concentrate on what Luke had just said. _He has a daughter_? She sat there trying to put her thoughts into coherent sentences but only managed to pull off a rather impressive impression of a fish.

"Her moms name is Anna and we only had a brief relationship, it was a mutual thing that we broke up. She found out she was pregnant and thought I would freak out so she kept April from me, that's her name. She's so smart sometimes she scares me, she's 13 and when I found out I panicked, I didn't know how to handle it. I didn't want to let you down and I couldn't push April away so I did the only think I could think to do. Even if it killed me to do it." He didn't want to look at her, he knew she was starring at him in disbelief and it made his stomach turn to think he was hurting her.

"That's the thing Luke, it didn't kill you…. it almost killed me" she couldn't believe Luke would hide something like that from her. _How am I going to trust him after this?_ "I loved you, how would I have been disappointed? If you hadn't noticed I had a kid at 16, I'm no stranger to disappointment and I'm certainly not a hypocrite. Did you honestly think that I wouldn't be there for you?"

"I don't know what I thought. Now I'm even more unsure, do you have any idea how guilty I feel knowing that you tried to kill yourself because of me?" Lorelai looked away; she knew this was coming and that she had to face the consequences of her actions. She looked up and did the best she could to explain to him what happened.

"I know you must feel guilty and that you're hurt but just stop and think about what I went through. You left me….I loved you with all my heart, you were my life. With the exception of Rory I had never loved someone so entirely. I didn't realize I had become that girl who needs a man in her life to make things complete …….until I lost you. Not just you but Rory the one constant thing in my life….do you remember what I said at her birthday? I said without her I would have noting to get up for in the morning…well I didn't actually think it was true. I had a huge void and noting could touch it. I was….empty. I couldn't do anything I could barely look after myself. It hurt to even breathe. I couldn't cry to even let the pain out. I was trapped and constantly surrounded by never ending nothingness. It got to the point where I realized I was depressed but it was too late. I was to far gone to care what you would think, or even care if you missed me. After I found out about Libby I realized I had to get help, I needed to be strong for my baby, for myself. I wanted to tell you but I didn't want us to be together just because of Libby. I didn't want us to be a responsibility you tolerated because you were to proud not to. I wanted you to be with me because you loved me not just because of the thing inside me."

The room went silent for what felt like a very long time, half way though her explanation Lorelai had continued to pace the room in an effort to avoid Luke's gaze. The silence was broken suddenly by Lorelai as she continued to explain her actions.

"I don't know if you understand or if that even made sense but it wasn't just you that your secret hurt, I was in that relationship as well. I'm just sorry for everything; I know I didn't do things well."

"I'm glad you didn't leave it so late….I think I should go I have to open in the morning….if its ok I will stop by tomorrow with more food…..oh I noticed earlier that you didn't eat your usual six portions of food and thought that maybe something was wro…"

"No…. I just don't eat as much as I used to, I was all Libby had and if something happened then Libby would have been on her own."

"Wow!..." he pulled him self up from the chair and headed towards the door, turning back for a second he gathered up enough courage to say a few of the things that had been floating around his head during the last few days. "I'm sorry… for thinking you cheated on me and for second guessing you with Libby earlier" he continued towards the door not giving Lorelai a chance to reply when he spoke again. "I do still love you, I never stopped."


End file.
